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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28078164">I swear I loved you 'til my dying day</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HidingBehindAGlassWall/pseuds/HidingBehindAGlassWall'>HidingBehindAGlassWall</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Riverdale (TV 2017)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Blood and Injury (not a lot but it's there), Broken up Choni, Character Death, Drugs, F/F, F/M, Hurt Toni Topaz, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Like there is a ridiculous amount of angst, M/M, Malachai is involved - it gets dark, Protective Cheryl Blossom, Swearing - like a lot of it, Threats of Violence, Toni Topaz Needs a Hug, Violence, mention of character death (minor), use of guns and knives</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:27:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>40,392</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28078164</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HidingBehindAGlassWall/pseuds/HidingBehindAGlassWall</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Cheryl sighs as that sign for that town comes into view. The weather, much like her mood, was glum, dreary, and all together left much to be desired. As she passes the sign, she can’t help but let out a laugh, hollow and empty, just as her heart had felt these past few years.</p><p>‘Welcome to Riverdale, the town with pep!’</p><p>--------</p><p>A new horror emerges from Riverdale and Cheryl finds herself returning, as do the rest of the gang, to help Toni figure out what's happening.<br/>The same Toni whose heart Cheryl had broken two years prior when she left her and didn't look back.<br/>The same Toni whom Cheryl still loved more than anything, but had to walk away from in order to keep her safe.<br/>But when they begin to delve deeper into this new mystery, will Cheryl find herself running out of time to fix the mess she'd made?</p><p>aka the S5 Choni are broken up but what happens when they see eachother again fic ft alllllll the angst - like seriously theres an unhealthy amount.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Archie Andrews/Betty Cooper (minor), Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz, Fangs Fogarty/Kevin Keller (minor), Veronica Lodge/Tabitha Tate (minor)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>121</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. You're not my homeland anymore</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sup,</p><p>If you're new to my fics, hello there :D<br/>If you're not new and you're currently reading this like Luce wtf you have other fics you need to update why are you doing a new one? I know okay, I get it. But I had a thought and I began writing it down and then a 20k+ word one shot happened. But the good news is I've literally written it all, and am too excited about it so I'm gonna be posting like a chapter a day so there's no waiting and it's all done and then I'll get on and update my other stuff, sound good?  Sick :)</p><p>This is hefty, like my brain said lets write the most angst filled fic possible, but with that will come trigger warnings and such - which I've tagged and will also give you heads up at the beginnigns of chapters for  - but yeah, it's kinda dark, sorry! Oh, and there's a fair amount of swearing, especially in the middle few chaps. </p><p>Hope you enjoy, as always comments and thoughts are much appreciated!</p><p>Luce :D</p><p>Twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cheryl sighs as <em> that </em> sign for <em> that </em> town comes into view. The weather, much like her mood, was glum, dreary, and all together left much to be desired. As she passes the sign, she can’t help but let out a laugh, hollow and empty, just as her heart had felt these past few years.</p><p>
  <em> ‘Welcome to Riverdale, the town with pep!’ </em>
</p><p>Riverdale was the town with something alright, and it definitely wasn’t pep. More like the town with a multitude of sin and wickedness, with evil lurking in even the most unseemingly of places.</p><p>She couldn’t quite believe she was back here, after all this time, all these years, trying to build a new life and attempting to forget the horrors of her past. Not that her past was all horror of course, but <em> that </em> was pain of a different kind, pain that was still as fresh as the day it’d first begun. </p><p>Cheryl already regretted this, coming back. She still had half a mind to turn around and head back to NY, she could make up some excuse, some urgent case at the law firm, a last minute client that warranted her full attention, no one would have to know the truth, that she was a coward.</p><p>But then again, Cheryl knows no matter how badly she wants to, she wouldn’t, she <em> couldn’t, </em> she has to do this. </p><p>It’s not like she didn’t have reason to feel trepidation about being back here, god knows this town housed more skeletons in her closet than most, Jason, her father, her mother, the ashes of her family’s corrupt business, need she go on? </p><p>God she knew this was a bad idea. </p><p>She’d known it ever since she’d first picked up Veronica’s call, asking her urgently to come back to Riverdale, <em> “it’s something big Cheryl, it’s something big and, well, Toni needs everyone’s help.” </em> </p><p>The second Cheryl heard Veronica say that name, <em> her </em> name, she knew she’d end up back here. She knew no matter how easy it would’ve been to make up some excuse, say she had an emergency case at the law firm, no matter how badly she wanted to, Cheryl knew the second Toni’s name was said she was powerless to do anything other than return to the town she once promised herself she’d never step foot in again. </p><p>And so that’s exactly what she’d done, packed her bags and sped away from her life in NY, requesting leave of absence from the law firm to work from home for a while. That in itself makes her smile bitterly, <em> home, </em> Riverdale hadn’t been her home for years, and yet here she was, back at Thistlehouse, sucked right back in like everyone else.</p><p>That was three weeks ago. Three weeks and they were still no closer to uncovering the truth.</p><p>Three weeks since she’d met Veronica at Pops for her to explain the situation. Kids were going missing, and it’d been happening for a while. Toni was the first to notice something was awry, being a social worker and all. Cheryl had smiled at that, of course Toni was a social worker, who better to help the children of this town than someone who had been through it all themself?</p><p>It’d been three weeks since she’d seen Toni across the parking lot of Pops as she’d left that night, parking up on her motorbike at the exact same time Cheryl stepped out the door. Toni had known she was coming to town of course, Veronica having told her she’d contact Cheryl when her and Toni had agreed they needed everyone’s help. They’d spotted each other instantly, even now, even after all this time, it was like they were still drawn to each other, still innately aware of each other's presence, helpless to ignore it even if they tried. Brown eyes connected and Cheryl had felt every last drop of breath escape from her lungs. </p><p>Cheryl knew she was going to have to see Toni at some point, she’d come back to town to help her after all, but it’d been the first time Cheryl had seen her in two years, save for pictures on social media every now and then, and so she definitely wasn’t prepared.</p><p>She wasn’t prepared for how Toni somehow looked so different and yet completely the same all at once. Toni, sliding off her bike with ease, pulling her helmet off her head and shaking her hair out, and gosh she looked so <em> beautiful. </em> Her hair in long braids, but still with that splash of pink that was <em> oh so Toni. </em> Her Serpent jacket worn proudly across her shoulders and gosh she’d always looked good in it but now it was almost as if she’d grown into it entirely, Cheryl figures being Serpent Queen probably had something to do with that. She looked, <em> fuck, </em>she looked absolutely gorgeous. </p><p>It’d been almost as if Cheryl had watched it all play out in slow motion, as if it was some scene from a cheesy rom com where a lover first set eyes upon their girl across the way, hearts thumping in a perfect rhythm, seemingly calling out ‘I’m here, I’m yours’. </p><p>Except this wasn’t a movie, and whilst Cheryl’s heart would always belong to her, Toni wasn’t her girl anymore, Penelope had made sure of that much, not that Toni knew of course, not that anyone knew for that matter.</p><p>It’d been three weeks since Cheryl had returned to Thistlehouse after returning from Pops, after laying her eyes upon the biggest loss of her life, and cried. Cried for all that she’d lost, and all that she’d never gotten to know. She’d cried alone in the empty bed she’d once shared with Toni all those years ago, desperately wishing she was able to smell the faint scent of her perfume clinging to the sheets. She’d cried alone in the house that Toni helped once make a home, the house that used to be filled with laughter and light, the house that was now nothing more than a cold, loveless mass of walls and pain. </p><p>Cheryl hated it here. Thistlehouse used to house all that she held dear, and now it was nothing but a stark reminder of all that she’d lost. The house had been left to Cheryl after her Nanna’s passing two years ago, only a few months before her and Toni had graduated Highsmith in fact, as had her place as head of the family business. And look where that had gotten her, the second Penelope had gotten wind of that information she’d come blazing in, spitting venom and poisoning every hope of Cheryl’s ‘one day’, causing chaos until there was nothing but devastating ruins in her wake.</p><p>It’d been three weeks of sleuthing and digging deep into the town’s concealed secrets, unearthing possible leads, following each and every one until they’d run cold, all of them growing increasingly disheartened with each dead end. Although no one more so than Toni. Toni, who as well as being Serpent Queen and managing to turn the Serpents back to their former glory, had also become a social worker, helping the children that Riverdale had seemingly forgotten or tossed aside, in a sense just like it had Toni herself when she’d been a child growing up here all those years ago.</p><p>It’s been three weeks of fleeting glances and attempting to hold a conversation with her whilst simultaneously trying to ignore the giant proverbial elephant in the room. Three weeks of Toni’s perfume invading her senses and transporting her back to memories of better times. It’s been three weeks of Toni looking at her with eyes filled with nothing but sorrow and anger, three weeks of Cheryl trying to slowly gain more interaction with her, hold longer conversations, longer gazes. It’s been three weeks and she’s absolutely no closer than when she’d started.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. We were something don't you think so?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The gang begin to figure out what's happening with the missing children and Cheryl tries to begin the journey of reconciling with Toni.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hiiii<br/>See I told you I'd be updating it all quickly :)</p><p>Here's pt 2, it's got Choni angst but nothing by the way of trigger warnings apart from mention of abduction/kidnapping.</p><p>Hope you enjoy!</p><p>Luce :)</p><p>Twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was early Thursday evening, Cheryl had been at Thistlehouse going through notes for one of her cases for work when Fangs had called and told her to get her ass to Pops. That’d been over an hour ago and now here she was sitting between Sweet Pea and Reggie waiting on the last of the group to arrive before Archie and Betty told them all of their new discovery.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d all come back of course, the old gang back together to solve yet another mystery. Well, everyone minus Jughead, who was off galavanting around some small country in Europe, hoping to find inspiration for his novel. In all honesty though, it was probably for the best, Betty and Archie’s engagement was something of a blow to him, he’d never quite gotten over his highschool love, and so being forced to watch their sickeningly sweet displays of affection every time they met up to exchange information would have most certainly caused some issues. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl would have been concerned for Veronica’s feelings, had she not learnt of her relationship with Tabitha, Pop Tate’s granddaughter, blooming last year. Apparently she’d come to town to talk Veronica into putting the business back into the Tate family and instead ended up talking her way into the Lodge heiresses heart as well. Cheryl had learned of how the two had connected when Veronica’s father passed away, Tabitha offering her no end of support, and eventually they’d addressed the growing feelings between them and gone from there. That was last August, and since then they’d ended up joining as partners in business as well as in romance, turning Pop’s and La Bonne Nuit into chains and opening venues in surrounding towns too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fangs and Kevin were still going strong, Kevin loved his job as head of the theatre department at Riverdale High and Fangs had opened a garage - with </span>
  <em>
    <span>Reggie</span>
  </em>
  <span> of all people - apparently his grandfather had owned one back in the day and he’d always wanted to follow in his footsteps. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sweet Pea lived in LA now, although Cheryl wasn’t entirely sure what he did, he hadn’t offered up the information and she hadn’t asked, but he looked happy, </span>
  <em>
    <span>content,</span>
  </em>
  <span> so she guesses that’s something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Betty and Archie had found themselves both back in Riverdale a few years ago and had begun the romance they’d always seemed destined to have, or so the story goes. Betty had come back after graduating from Yale with plans to stay for a little before making her way out into the world and found Archie already here. Apparently he’d been badly injured during his time in the naval academy and been discharged, he’d come back to take back ownership of the gym and turned it into the community centre he’d always dreamed it could be, whilst being assistant coach to the Bulldogs. They’d reconnected and ended up building a life here, moving into Archie's family home. Their engagement had been recent, only a few months ago, and yet it hadn’t been a surprise to any of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl’s pulled from her thoughts by the sound of the bell over the door chiming and looks up to see Archie and Betty making their way over to the group currently spread across a few tables, followed by Toni.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni, who Cheryl felt her heart pang for everytime she laid her eyes upon her. Toni, who she hadn’t been able to get out of her head since she’d arrived back in this god forsaken town. Well, in truth that was a lie, she hadn’t been able to get Toni out of her head for the past two years, her ex a prominent and constant thought at the forefront of her mind, and often her dreams too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d been in each other's presence plenty of times over the past three weeks and yet it was no easier to be around her. To see her and wonder what might’ve been, what </span>
  <em>
    <span>could’ve been</span>
  </em>
  <span> had her mother not been hellbent of demolishing every inch of her happiness beyond repair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In truth, Cheryl had been out from under Penelope’s thumb for just under a year. Not only was she sick and no longer capable of fighting back, but Cheryl had gathered a watertight and rather sizable amount of documentation and incriminating evidence against her from over the years, serving as her own blackmail material against her mother’s devastating threats made toward her two years prior. Well, her and Toni.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she watches Toni take her seat across from her at the table, Cheryl wonders. She wonders why, after all this time freed from her mother’s clutches, had she still not told Toni the truth. Why after knowing that those threats made two years ago would never come to fruition, had she still not brought herself to speak to her and tell her the truth behind that fateful night? Why, after spending over a year gathering the necessary information and then presenting it all to Penelope with a devastating air of victory, had she still not instantly run back to pull Toni into her arms and tell her everything? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then again, the answer is there, clear as day. She’s scared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s scared Toni won’t believe her, or perhaps scared she will and she’ll turn Cheryl away all the same. She’s scared Toni will resent her, well, more than she already does. She’s scared that Toni will deem all that happened not sufficient enough to measure up to the pain Cheryl put her through. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because she had. Cheryl had hurt Toni, </span>
  <em>
    <span>badly,</span>
  </em>
  <span> that much was obvious to everyone. She’d caused pain to the one person she promised to never harm, promised to always care for. She’d left her after promising she’d always be by her side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The truth is, Cheryl’s scared that after all this time, after the damage she’d caused, all she’ll do is bring Toni more pain. Which is why, even though she could, even though she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants</span>
  </em>
  <span> to, even after all the demons have been slayed, Cheryl still won’t tell Toni that she still loves her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because she does, she always has, as clichè as it sounds, that's why she’d done what she did in the first place, to protect her, to keep her safe from her mother’s threats, to keep her away from the inevitability that is the Blossom curse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl loves her, always has and always will, but she’s scared that, after all this time, after all that’s transpired, Toni doesn’t feel the same. And Cheryl’s pretty sure she’d rather deal with the unknown than flat out rejection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reggie’s voice brings her back to reality. In truth, he’d been one of the most helpful of them all throughout all this, keeping them focusing on the facts and providing some muscle on the couple of occasions they’d required it. “Alright so we know so far that kids have been going missing, one every fortnight for the past five months. We don’t know </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span> and we don’t know </span>
  <em>
    <span>how,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Toni frowns at this, Cheryl notes that it’s something she’d been doing a lot lately, “but we’ve worked out it’s always on a Sunday night, and so far it’s been teenagers, right T?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni speaks and Cheryl finds the ever growing ache in her chest pang. “Yeah the youngest is a 13 year old boy, Charlie, and the eldest, Hannah, is 16. Both are from the Southside, but there’s also been a couple of Northside kids taken too. We just don't know </span>
  <em>
    <span>why.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>As Cheryl watches Toni, she feels a growing desire to reach over and pull her into her arms and never let go. To hold Toni tight into her chest like she used to do when they were eighteen, young and in love. To press kisses to her cheek and wish away her pain. But she can’t. She can’t act upon the way her fingers twitch, itching to run her hands through Toni’s hair, to trace her fingertips over soft skin. She can’t because Toni isn’t hers anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This woman sat across from her is no longer hers to hold, no longer hers to whisper sweet nothings to as they lay in bed, to trace her lips delicately across her skin, no longer hers to caress and worship late at night as she feels her body below her own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Toni who sits across from her is not the same Toni she once knew. This Toni has finally found her rightful place amongst the town, found a job that speaks to her soul, has found the leadership she desired, has created a life for herself. A life that is entirely her own, a life that Cheryl has no part of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually we think we can help with that.” Cheryl drags her eyes away from Toni to look at Betty, who in turn is looking to Archie with eyes filled with love and adoration. Cheryl knows what that’s like, to be looked at with brown eyes filled with happiness and care, the same brown eyes that now look at her filled with nothing but pain and sorrow. Well, that’s when Toni does look at her, because she so </span>
  <em>
    <span>rarely</span>
  </em>
  <span> does, and Cheryl supposes she can’t exactly be surprised, were she Toni she doesn’t think she’d be able to look at herself either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Archie smiles at his love, a smile full of warmth, and Cheryl finds her gaze shifting to Toni fleetingly, remembering what it was like when she used to smile at her in a similar way, and gosh, what she wouldn’t give to have that again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I was at the gym earlier and as I was clearing away I was approached by one of the kids, Raven,” he looks to Toni, “I think you know her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Raven Taylor? Yeah I know her, she’s one of mine, what did she want?” Due to the laws of confidentiality, Toni often wasn’t able to say much about the children she worked with, usually only confirming or denying information brought forth by another in the group, but Cheryl could see by the way Toni’s eyes lit up just how much she cared for each and every one of them. The fact she so often made comments of them being ‘hers’ was enough to tell her that. Toni was like an older sister figure to the children she looked out for, not only was it abundantly clear simply by knowing the kind of person Toni was, but it was also told to Cheryl by everyone she spoke to about her. Everyone in the community sang Toni’s praises for her work with the children and families of the town. They all loved her, Cheryl understood why.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah that’s her. She’s only young, 12 I think,” Toni confirms this with a simple nod, “she told me she wanted to speak to me about her friend, a girl she’s being fostered with?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni clarifies, “that’ll be Ash Abrhams, Raven’s been fostered by her family for the past few years, she’s the most recent kid to go missing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Betty nods, “well that’s why we called you here. Raven was telling Arch that apparently Ash told her that she was approached by some Ghoulies a couple weeks ago, said they were asking weird questions about her and her family. Asking where she lives, if she has family in different towns and stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That got Cheryl’s attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ghoulies? That can’t be good,” Sweet Pea says what they’re all thinking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We thought as much,” Archie speaks up, “hence why we called you all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni sighs, rubbing her fingers over her temple, “it’s not. If the Ghoulies are involved this just got a lot more dangerous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve been trying to keep the peace with them, Toni sorted a deal with them, a treaty if you will, when she first became queen, they’ve been pretty quiet since then.” Fangs was still a Serpent and Cheryl knew that he served as Toni’s sort of right hand man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah but that was a long time ago Fangs, there’s nothing to say they haven’t been pulling shit under the radar. Damnit!” Cheryl jumps at the sound of Toni’s fist hitting the table, watching as the Serpent Queen’s shoulders slump that little bit further than they had been already, as if a new weight had been added to the already cripplingly heavy one that rested upon them. Cheryl wished she could just reach out and soothe her, clasp her hand around Toni’s like she used to, intwine their fingers and brush her thumb over the back of her hand. But she can’t, just like she can’t do a lot of things she wished to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay so what if it is them? What would the Ghoulies want with a bunch of teenagers?” Kevin asks the question they all wish they had the answer too, but none of them have the ability to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Cheryl’s voice catches as Toni’s eyes meet her own, she just hopes she manages to cover it, but by the fleeting frown on Veronica’s face, it’s safe to say she didn’t. “It’s Thursday, which means we have three days until Sunday, which means we have three days to figure this out before another child is taken.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what’s the motive?” Veronica speaks up, pragmatic as always, “we work out why and then we can work out the how and where. And are we sure it could be the Ghoulies?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No it’s them, I can feel it. I don’t know why I didn’t think of them before if I’m honest.” If there was one thing about Toni, it’s that her gut instinct was always right, it’s half the reason she’s so good at her job Cheryl muses, she’s always been able to tell when something’s off or not as it should be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She used to be like that with her. Toni used to know exactly how Cheryl was feeling with a single look, she wonders now what she sees when she looks at her. Does she sense that something deeper lurks behind what happened between them? Does she lie awake at night thinking of her, wondering how things are for her, what life is like for her now, how she’s doing? Does she ask herself the same questions that Cheryl has spent the past two years asking herself night after night, lying awake with her head filled with a multitude of thoughts, only to fall asleep and dream about maybes and what if’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay so where do we go from here? What’s the plan?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Archie runs his hand through his hair, “your guess is as good as mine Sweet Pea, but we need to work out motive and find out if anyone else has heard anything. I’ll ask the kids at the gym if they know anything-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll keep an ear out at school,” Kevin speaks up, “the kids have been talking a bit about everything, maybe one of them knows something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m working tomorrow, as is my love,” most members of their group look towards Tabitha, currently behind the counter taking someone's order, Cheryl being one of them, and it almost makes her not notice the way that Toni’s gaze instead moves to land on her. Almost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then again, even if she couldn’t see her directly, Cheryl’s always been able to tell when Toni was looking at her, always been able to feel Toni's eyes on her. Veronica is still speaking, “so we’ll keep an ear out here, see if anyone says anything or knows anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m in the office tomorrow, so I can look through the files, see if there’s any links between the kids and the Ghoulies.” Cheryl notes that Toni’s voice has a bit of spark in it, a bit of hope, something that it’s been missing during these past few weeks, she just hopes it’s hope that comes to fruition. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The others voice their plans for the next day, Fangs and Sweet Pea are going to scope out the Southside and see if they can get any information. Reggie has to work but has promised to keep an ear open and Cheryl states that she has a work meeting in the morning via video-call but will poke around the Northside in the afternoon. After plans have been made they decide to call it a night, and head out to go their separate ways, Kevin calling out to Toni that he’d see her at home, apparently that was a thing too, Kevin, Fangs and Toni living together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl’s nearly at her car when she looks up to see Toni standing by her motorbike a few spaces away. She seems to be typing out a message but Cheryl can’t help but be distracted at how the glow from the screen illuminates her face just so. She can’t ignore the way her breath catches in her throat. Cheryl had almost forgotten how effortlessly beautiful Toni is, well not forgotten, but the memories of Toni that she played on repeat in her head could never do justice to the real her, plus now there was something else about her too. Toni was always gorgeous back in highschool, but now there’s just this, this </span>
  <em>
    <span>extra glow</span>
  </em>
  <span> about her, this air of confidence. Well, in truth Toni’s always been fiercely independent and confident, but it’s almost as if Toni has finally come into her own, and gosh does it look good on her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl’s walking over to her before she can stop herself. She doesn’t even know what she’s going to say. They’ve barely seen each other outside of their group meetings, barely spoken unless it’s related to the topic at hand, but suddenly Cheryl’s standing two steps away from the girl that still holds her heart, and her perfume is invading her senses and until now Cheryl hasn’t allowed herself to think about how it’s the same perfume that used to linger on their bedsheets and oh gosh Toni’s looking at her, “Cheryl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh, I, sorry I didn’t catch that.” Gosh she’s such an idiot, pull it together Cheryl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I asked if you needed something?” She wasn’t sure how this was going to go, but Toni speaking to her as if she’s nothing more than some acquaintance, some stranger, as if they didn’t have a past together, memories together, it hurts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, uhh, I just, I wanted to see how you were doing.” Cheryl mentally kicks herself. See how she’s doing? Obviously she’s doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span> without you she has her job and she’s Serpent Queen and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well obviously not great,” oh,</span>
  <em>
    <span> well then,</span>
  </em>
  <span> “I need to figure out what’s going on with these kids and I’m running out of time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl frowns at the way Toni’s shoulders slump. “It’ll be alright, things will get figured out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni nods but offers no reply, and Cheryl feels her heart pang. She isn’t stupid, she knew this wouldn’t be the easiest of conversations, but she hadn’t been prepared for this awkwardness, this grinding unnamable tension between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tries again, she knows Toni, or at least she </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> know her, and she knows that right now the best thing she can do is remind her that she’s not doing this by herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing all you can, everyone knows how much you care for them, and all of us are here to help you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl’s speaking again before she can stop herself, her mind racing to catch up with her heart. “We can all see this is tough on you, but we’ll get there. You’re working so hard, and you’re smart, you always used to get the best grades in class, even better than me.” Toni chuckles at that and Cheryl’s confidence soars. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toni, we’re all here to support you but,” she doesn’t know what possesses her but Cheryl reaches out, placing her hand gently on Toni’s arm. It’s the first physical contact she’s had with her in just over two years and Cheryl would be lying if she said she didn’t feel the shiver that ran up her arm. Did Toni feel it too? “But as much as we all have your back, if anyone is going to get to the bottom of this and find these kids, it’s going to be you. I know you Toni, and I have faith in you, you can do this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni looks up at her, and for a second Cheryl swears she can see a spark of </span>
  <em>
    <span>something,</span>
  </em>
  <span> what exactly she doesn’t know, but before she can even begin to figure it out, it’s gone and Toni’s eyes are filled with nothing but hurt, the moment is broken as she shrugs the pale hand off her arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know me Cheryl. You might have done, but that was two years ago, that was before you left me. Things have changed since then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Cheryl can make a move to stop her, Toni’s sitting astride her motorbike, turning the ignition. She looks at Cheryl and the redhead is almost taken aback by her gaze, it’s cold and unforgiving. “I have to go,” is all she says before she’s pulling on her helmet and speeding off out the parking lot, leaving Cheryl standing alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s her fault, she supposes, Toni’s right, she left her. Cheryl left Toni, with no reason, no warning, just promises that it was for her own good and that she was doing it </span>
  <em>
    <span>for</span>
  </em>
  <span> her, before she walked out the door of their dorm. Toni had tried to talk to her relentlessly for a week afterwards, countless calls and messages that went unanswered, waiting for her outside lecture halls only to be ignored or for Cheryl to sneak out the other door. Toni did all she could for a week before she got the message, before she realised that no matter what she did, no matter that she didn’t understand </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that she didn’t know where it’d all come from, Cheryl had left her, and she wasn’t coming back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Cheryl makes her way to her car, her phone chimes. Looking at the screen she sees a text from Veronica, asking if she was okay and did she want to talk about it. Cheryl assumes she’d seen what had transpired, considering she’s still in Pops and Pops has windows, and has half a mind to ignore her, but instead makes her way back into the diner, finding Veronica already beginning to make two milkshakes, and heads to one of the booths.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Veronica joins her a few moments later, sliding a milkshake in front of her with a simple, “are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl shakes her head and soon the tears are falling, “she hates me V, she hates me and I-I can’t even blame her, because she should hate me for what I did,</span>
  <em>
    <span> I</span>
  </em>
  <span> hate me for what I did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In truth Cheryl isn’t entirely sure why she’s pouring her heart out to Veronica, it’s not as if they were majorly close in highschool, but then again Cheryl supposes she’s one of the closest things to a friend that Cheryl has ever really had. They’ve kept in contact, and whilst it took Veronica a long time to resume said contact after she broke things off with Toni - Cheryl knows Veronica was there for Toni a lot after their breakup - eventually they began speaking again and Veronica’s hostility for breaking Toni’s heart faded. So it seems fitting in a way that Cheryl is speaking to Veronica about it now. That, and she knows that Toni and Veronica have grown close themselves over the years, and so perhaps she can offer her some insight into Toni’s heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate</span>
  </em>
  <span> you Cheryl, I don’t think it’s possible for her to hate you, she’s just hurt. But you have to see it from her perspective, one day everything was good between you and the next you walked out the door and never looked back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>More tears fall, “I know Veronica, I know I hurt her, truly I do. I left her, after promising I’d always be there. She has every right to be upset with me, I know she does, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Veronica reaches out, taking Cheryl’s hand in her own across the table, “what happened between you both, it caused her a lot of pain and to this day I still don’t think she really understands </span>
  <em>
    <span>why,</span>
  </em>
  <span> hell I don’t understand why. It took her a long time to begin to heal from what happened, and if I’m honest I don’t think she ever really has.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl scoffs, “I don’t blame her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl sips at her milkshake, eyes downcast, as Veronica gives her hand another squeeze before letting go. “Cheryl, Toni- well you know her, she had a rough childhood, and then you came along and you helped her, you made her happy, as she did you, you helped her see her potential, you were there for her, you cared for her, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved</span>
  </em>
  <span> her, and then suddenly you just upped and went, leaving her alone in the dust after you promised that was something you’d never do. It, well, it ruined her trust for a long time. It was like she closed herself off from the world, she wouldn’t let anyone get close, it was hard to witness if I’m honest. Seeing her so broken, especially knowing how she usually is, it was horrible.” Veronica’s voice is no louder than a whisper, almost as if speaking this memory so softly will prevent her from remembering the pain it harbours, “she was like a shell of herself for a long time, it took a lot from all of us to get her to how she is now. Fangs, Kevin, me, hell even Reggie, Archie and Betty, it, it was really tough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl nods, she knows she caused Toni pain, she’s not stupid, but hearing Veronica talk about what Toni went through, it hurts her heart. Cheryl sighs and then finds herself asking a question she’s always wondered the answer to. “Did she ever, I know she’s not with anyone now, but did, was there anyone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Cheryl didn’t know her better, she’d swear Veronica almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>smirks,</span>
  </em>
  <span> “not that I’m about to discuss Toni’s dating life with you, but no. She had a couple of hook ups here and there, but never anything serious. Like I said, it took her a long time to even begin to heal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl nods, a sort of relief settling in her chest, not that she’d about to think about why. Well, she knows why, because she still loves Toni, as she always had. Because she wishes that this never happened to them and they were still a </span>
  <em>
    <span>them,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and so the thought of Toni being a </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span> with someone else, well it doesn't even bear thinking about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never, either. There were a couple of one night stands, but, I couldn’t, they weren’t-” she trails off but Veronica nods, they both know what Cheryl means, </span>
  <em>
    <span>they weren’t Toni.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>A quiet moment passes over them, both sat drinking their milkshakes, unsure of what to say next, it’s Veronica that breaks the quiet. “I know something happened, I don’t know what or why or who or anything, but I’m not stupid Cheryl.” Cheryl knows she should be surprised that Veronica is so perceptive, but at the same time she can’t bring herself to be, if anyone would’ve worked it out, it was always going to be her. “I know something caused you to do what you did, and I’m not going to pry, but I will say this, not only do I hope whatever it was is no longer something you have to worry about,” Veronica looks to her and for a moment Cheryl wonders if she should try and deny her friends theory, but then again, what’d be the point? So instead she simply nods and Veronica continues, “but I also hope you tell Toni.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl is moving to interrupt but Veronica dismisses her and carries on speaking, “I’m not saying you have to tell her </span>
  <em>
    <span>now,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but you have to  at some point. She deserves to know the truth Cheryl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl sighs, of course Toni deserved to know the truth, but she was scared. There were too many what if’s and maybe's. What if Toni still resented her, what if Toni didn’t believe her, what if Toni did believe her and then told her to go fuck herself anyway? In Cheryl’s mind it was easier to wonder, it hurt less to allow herself the slither of hope, hope that maybe Toni wouldn’t hate her, maybe she’d understand, maybe she still loves Cheryl too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there were no promises of that and so Cheryl had resigned herself to holding onto a fantasy of potential rather than risking it all coming crashing down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just,” Veronica is looking at her pointedly, “tell her at some point, she deserves to know, because right now, she still has so idea what happened that made you walk out that door and leave her behind, and it’s not fair to her for you to let her keep thinking it was her that did something to cause it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl sighs, but ultimately nods, she guesses </span>
  <em>
    <span>some point</span>
  </em>
  <span> could be a long time away, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Checking the time on her phone, Cheryl realises it’s late and so bids Veronica goodnight before heading home.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!<br/>As always I love to hear your thoughts! </p><p>Luce :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The worst thing I ever did was what I did to you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The gang figure out that the most recent horrors of Riverdale are a lot more sinister than they'd previously thought and Cheryl offering Toni a ride home in the rain goes... well... interestingly.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi :D</p><p>Part three woo! Told you I'd be speedy speedy :)</p><p>There's no chapter specific trigger warnings apart from mention of abduction/kidnap but there is heavy angst and also the few lines that began this whole concept, so there's that.</p><p>Hope you enjoy and as always thoughts and comments make my heart happy</p><p>Luce :)</p><p>Twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next evening sees them all back at Pops, or rather La Bonne Nuit. Veronica having decided that perhaps this conversation was better had without potential prying ears, club being closed for the weekend for some maintenance anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni’s been avoiding her since she arrived, well more than she usually did, and Cheryl doesn’t think disheartened quite covers how she’s feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re spread across the room, Cheryl leaning against the bar, as is Reggie, whilst Toni sits at one of the central tables with Sweet Pea, Archie and Betty. Fangs sits on the edge of the stage, as does Kevin next to him, whilst Veronica sits perched on one of the barstools, Tabitha lent into her side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright so,” Sweet Pea begins, “Fangs and I went round the Southside and got talking to some kids about how apparently there’s some new drug in circulation, said it’s been around for maybe like four months but it’s been really starting to pick up this past month or so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he can continue, Toni’s cutting him off, “wait, drugs? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kids with drugs?</span>
  </em>
  <span> On the Southside? You know I made a rule about that!” Yet another bullet point on the list of why Toni was the best thing to happen to Riverdale in years, Cheryl thinks to herself. Apparently amidst her bid to clean up the Southside and get the Serpents clean and restored to their original glory, Toni had banned all use of drugs for those under the age of twenty one, and all Serpents were also banned from dealing in any form, as too were the Ghoulies banned from dealing as part of their treaty. Toni had been hellbent on getting the Southside clean, and so no one is confused at her surprise at Fangs and Sweet Pea’s revelation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sweet Pea calms her worry, “they didn’t have any Toni, they just said they’d heard rumours, but that’s not the main point. Anyone want to guess the name of said drug?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When no one offers any response Fangs speaks up, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Jingle Jangle.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl isn’t the only one taken by surprise. Jingle Jangle was supposed to have died out years ago, back when they were in school and after the end of the whole Sugarman scandal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reggie voices what they’re all thinking, “but that stuff’s supposed to be long gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait hang on a second, that makes sense with what I heard,” they all look to Tabitha, “I was sat in a booth earlier finishing up the accounts, and I overheard two men on the table behind me talking, saying how they ‘remembered that stuff from years ago’ and that it ‘went through the schools first’ and how it was ‘popular with the teenagers.’ So if this </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jingle Jangle</span>
  </em>
  <span> is back, that would make sense, no?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin sighs, “yeah it would. I didn’t hear anything at school though, and I’ll be honest I haven’t heard anything related to drugs in a while. In fact it’s almost like it’s died down completely compared to how it used to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Archie and I spoke to the kids at the gym,” Betty speaks up, and then looks to Archie to take over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, a few of them said they remember seeing Ben being approached by a couple of people one evening, said it was too dark to see them properly but they were dressed, and I quote, </span>
  <em>
    <span>in dark clothes with lots of metal,</span>
  </em>
  <span> which I think we all know what that means.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ghoulies,” Cheryl murmurs what they’re all thinking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Archie continues, “apparently Ben never told them what they spoke about but he went missing a few days after. The kids said they told the Sheriff but that was the end of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni scoffs and mutters under her breath, “please Sheriff Thompson is useless, he won’t do anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright so,” Veronica speaks up, “we’ve got rumours of Jingle Jangle, the school is quiet, and more talk of kids being approached by Ghoulies only to go missing days later. Anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait,” Cheryl can see the pieces beginning to fall into place in her mind, “doesn’t that make sense though? Toni banned drugs being dealt on the Southside, that includes the Ghoulies too right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni nods, a frown forming as she too begins to piece things together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what if,” Cheryl continues, “the Ghoulies are back in business with Jingle Jangle, but they know they’re screwed if they get caught dealing, so they’re taking the kids to distribute it instead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin frowns, “wait, but why take kids, why not do it themselves?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because then they won’t get caught in possession,” Betty chimes in, “and no one is going to suspect a child, plus that would make sense with what Raven said to us about Ash and why the Ghoulies were asking where she lived and family in other towns.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni speaks up then, the puzzle fully formed in her mind. “okay so the Ghoulies are producing this stuff somewhere out of town, and then taking kids to distribute it in places where they know they won't get recognised. That way it keeps it out of Ghoulie hands and out the Southside. Which would also make sense with you Kev and why you’ve had radio silence in school, they’re not the ones dealing in it or using.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A glum quiet overtakes them as they realise the extent of yet another horror taking place in their town, each of them wondering if perhaps Riverdale was a town destined to be awash with sin, fate playing a hand and cursing this place with a torrent of never ending streams of evil seeping from its very foundations. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment is broken by Toni, slamming her fist on the table with an angry thud, “fuck!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sweet Pea attempts to comfort her, “Topaz it’s alright, we’ll-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>alright</span>
  </em>
  <span> Pea, these kids are being taken from their homes, from their families to run drugs for the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking Ghoulies.</span>
  </em>
  <span> After I’ve tried so hard to get the Southside clean, they’ve just moved it somewhere else and are now using the kids I’m supposed to </span>
  <em>
    <span>protect</span>
  </em>
  <span> to do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There are tears pooling in Toni’s eyes, and Cheryl wants nothing more than to pull her into her chest and hold her close, but she can’t. She can’t press a kiss to her temple and gently soothe her, she can’t wrap her arms tightly around her and keep her safe and protected from yet another horror that has wormed its way into the town. She can’t take her home and tuck her up in bed under soft blankets, and pull her into her body, holding her safely from behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can’t do any of that, because her mother ruined her chance at happiness due to her bitter need for power, and now Cheryl is left looking at the woman she loves, utterly helpless to comfort her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so what are we gonna do about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone looks to Reggie then, but Veronica is soon voicing her agreement, “Reggie’s right, we know what’s going on with these kids, we now know why they’re being taken, now we just need to work out where they’re being kept and then we can work out how we’re going to get them back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We all know Sheriff Thompson is useless, we’re gonna have to do this ourselves,” Fangs speaks up, “we know they’re somewhere on the outskirts of - or completely out of - town, so we just need to work out where those places are and then we can figure out which ones are most likely and go from there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tabitha disappears into the La Bonne Nuit office, reappearing moments later with a map of the town and surrounding area and a pen, placing it on the table in front of Toni before moving to stand back with Veronica as she speaks. “Okay so we make a list of possible places and mark them on the map so we can see what we’re working with.” Fangs makes his way over to the table to look at the map as Toni picks up the pen, marking a spot on the left hand side as she speaks. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“This</span>
  </em>
  <span> is where the old junkyard is. It hasn’t been used in years and no one goes there, got a couple of buildings there, so it could be worth looking into.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Veronica pulls out her phone to look on trusty ole google maps as Fangs takes the pen from Toni, marking two spots on the map, “there’s the old truck stop </span>
  <em>
    <span>here,</span>
  </em>
  <span> it used to be really busy back in the day but then they built the new one </span>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span> and shut the old one down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about the old farmhouse and buildings on the way to Greendale?” Cheryl speaks up, “I remember reading about it years ago, apparently they got burnt down in a barn fire but if I remember rightly it used to be a sizable complex, I think it’s roughly around </span>
  <em>
    <span>here.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl steps forward as she speaks, leaning down to point on the map, but only when she inhales the scent of Toni’s perfume does she realise just how close they are. She swears she hears Toni’s breath hitch in her throat, and would definitely think more of it were she not too busy trying to calm the way her heart is thumping erratically in her chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl looks up at her and immediately finds Toni’s eyes meeting her own. It’s the closest they’ve been in years, save last night, and Cheryl isn’t entirely sure how to get her mind to let go of the thought that if she lent forward just a bit, she’d be able to remember what it felt like to have Toni’s soft lips against her own. It’s as if everything pauses around them and they’re caught up in this little bubble. A little bubble that Cheryl would happily stay in forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A little bubble that is soon popped by the sound of someone, she’s pretty sure it's Sweet Pea, clearing their throat and bringing them crashing back down to reality. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl stands and moves away as Toni fidgets in her chair, both of them squirming awkwardly and silently begging for someone to break the tension. Thankfully Reggie does, “there’s uhh, there’s the old railway warehouse, might be a bit far out but might be worth a look?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni marks it on the map and Cheryl wonders if it’s a figment of her imagination that her hand is trembling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They spend the next few hours listing off possible locations and marking them down on the map and working out the most likely and viable options, before deciding to call it a night.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The others head off, Toni deciding to stay a little longer to look over the map some more. Cheryl hears Veronica telling her to lock up as she and Tabitha ascend the stairs, hand in hand, a few steps behind her. Before she can even ask, Veronica’s answering her question, “Toni and the Serpents help us with security, so she has a key. Just like the good ole days huh.” Cheryl finds herself smiling, yeah </span>
  <em>
    <span>the good ole days.</span>
  </em>
  <span> What she wouldn’t give to go back to then. To go back to dancing the night away with her hands on Toni’s hips and the taste of rum on their lips as they kissed. Not that they ever drank alcoholic beverages underaged at La Bonne Nuit, </span>
  <em>
    <span>absolutely not.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>As they reach the door all three women realise at the same time that it’s pouring with rain. Large droplets splatter against the windows and Cheryl feels a shiver run down her spine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s looking across to try and judge the distance from the door to her car when she spots Toni’s motorbike. There was no way she could ride home in this weather, and even if Toni could somehow navigate the roads in this treacherous condition, Cheryl didn’t feel entirely sure that she was okay with letting her. Not that the Serpent Queen answered to her of course, but it just didn’t seem entirely safe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two go ahead, I’m gonna wait for Toni, see if she wants a ride home instead of using her bike.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Veronica looks at her with a hint of apprehension, “are you sure? We could give her a ride if you want?” As much as that would probably be the easier option, Cheryl didn’t want things between her and Toni to be like this forever, as so she figured she had to at least try to extend some kind of olive branch of sorts, “no it’s okay, I promise, you two get home safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tabitha sends her a smile and tells Cheryl to message one of them when she gets home, before her and Veronica are both running out the door towards their car. Cheryl smiles to herself as she watches Veronica grab hold of Tabitha’s hand halfway there and pull her into a searing kiss. She remembers doing something similar with Toni once, getting caught out in the rain on the way home and ending up having a makeout session standing on the driveway of Thistlehouse, soaked through from the rain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl finds herself lost in her thoughts, reminiscing upon those cherished moments with Toni, wondering if they’ll ever have a chance at making more of them. She isn’t aware of how much time passes but the sound of Toni’s footsteps on the stairs pull her from her memories, looking up to see Toni tucking the map into the inside pocket of her jacket as she makes her way towards her. “Cheryl? What are you doing here, I thought everyone left?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl feels almost nervous, although she’s not entirely sure why. It’s just Toni, and besides they’ve been here many a time before, the two often last to leave Pops after a particularly intense night out, or Cheryl giving Toni a lift home after her shift. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then again, that seemed like a whole world away, they were different people back then. That, and Toni’s never been </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> anything. Not to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well the weather is less than stellar and I know you’re on your bike, so I thought I might offer you a lift home, but, uhh, no pressure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni looks up at her for a moment, as if searching for something on her face. She must find whatever she’s looking for though, because she looks away moments later, moving to the door to hold it open and gesturing to Cheryl to head outside before following her. Standing out in the cold Cheryl’s never been more thankful for the cover over the door for keeping them dry as Toni closes and locks the door, replying as she does, seemingly thankful to have something other than Cheryl to focus on. “I appreciate the offer but I’m good, thanks though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni checks the door is locked before she puts her keys in her pocket, shoving her hands in them too, presumably trying to keep them warm before she has to ride home in the rain. Toni turns to leave with a quiet, “bye Cheryl,” but Cheryl calls her name just as she’s about to step out into the rain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toni, Toni wait, I, I just wanted to say that I think it’s really admirable, what you’re doing for these children.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni’s stopped, she still has her back turned to Cheryl, but nevertheless the redhead continues, “it’s just, the way you look out for them, it’s obvious they’re important to you, they must really appreciate having you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni scoffs, but offers no reply, instead moving to step out into the rain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toni please-” Cheryl reaches forward to take her hand in order to stop her, but before her fingertips can graze Toni’s own, she thinks better of it and pulls away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What Cheryl, I’ve got things to do.” Toni’s voice, Cheryl can’t quite place it. It’s as if she’s tired, overwhelmed with all that’s happening, but there’s something else there too, a hard edge, a protective wall, an armour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Toni, I, I just wanted to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni turns then, eyes narrowing, “wanted to what? Chat like old friends, reminisce about old times as if nothing happened between us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl falters, if she’s entirely honest she doesn’t exactly know </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> she wanted, other than for Toni to stop looking at her with that iciness in her eyes. Well, that was when she actually looked at her, and not practically straight through her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that what happened hurt you, and I’m sorry, truly, but I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>what,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cheryl?” Toni sneers, eyes ablaze, “you thought you could come back here and help and suddenly I’d let go of everything that happened, that I’d forgive the fact that one day everything was fine and the next you were walking out that door without looking back.” Toni shakes her head with a bitter laugh, “things changed Cheryl, but I wasn’t the one who changed them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Cheryl can respond, Toni’s turning away from her and heading down the steps, the rain instantly soaking her hair and clothes. She’s halfway across the parking lot before Cheryl’s brain catches up with her and she too is soaked by the rain, chasing after her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toni </span>
  <em>
    <span>please!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> She practically has to shout over the roaring noise of the raindrops splattering against the ground around them, but Toni doesn’t stop, so she tries again, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Toni!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni doesn’t turn around, but she does stop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rain pours around them, standing in the middle of the empty parking lot, and Cheryl wonders how on earth did they get here, how did everything go so wrong? Well, she knows </span>
  <em>
    <span>how</span>
  </em>
  <span> it happened, Cheryl has her loveless mother to thank for that, but standing here, watching the way Toni’s shoulders slump forward, she can’t help but wonder </span>
  <em>
    <span>why,</span>
  </em>
  <span> why her happiness was always being destroyed, why when she’d finally had some good, </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone </span>
  </em>
  <span>good in her life, it was mercilessly ripped from her clutches.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toni, please, I know you hate me for what I did, but please trust me when I say I didn’t have a choice!” Toni laughs, hollow and bitter, and finally turns to face her. Her hair and clothes are soaked form the rain, much like Cheryl’s, and she can see droplets of water running down her face, but there’s something about the way Toni’s brow furrows and her lip trembles, that tells Cheryl that perhaps the water on her cheeks wasn’t just from the rain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, spare me the pity party. You had a choice Cheryl, and you made it. You made the choice to walk out that door, you made the choice to turn away and never look back. If anyone didn’t have a choice, it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl hates seeing Toni like this, like she’s trying to be strong and tough, but in reality all the fight has left her and she’s left standing in the rain wondering what the hell she’s supposed to do next. This wasn’t the Toni she knew, this wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span> Toni. This woman stood before her had an iciness in her heart that hadn’t been there before, a protective wall built higher than it ever had been in the past. Cheryl knows this is her doing, that the bitter edge to her soul was rooted there by Cheryl’s own hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl opens her mouth to respond but Toni cuts her off. “I don’t have time for this, I need to go home and figure out what I’m supposed to do about these kids.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toni-”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cheryl! It’s Saturday tomorrow, which means it’s only one day away from another kid getting taken, which means another kid I failed to protect! I’ve lost enough people, I won’t lose anymore.” Cheryl’s certain there’s a deeper meaning to her words, a certainty that only deepens when Toni’s eyes meet her own, baring into her soul for a fleeting moment before she looks at the ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Cheryl speaks, she knows that she’s not the only one that can hear the pleading tone in her voice, “Toni, I know I hurt you, but what I did, please believe me when I say I did what I had to to protect you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni scoffs and looks away, “give it a rest Cheryl and spare me the cliches, I don’t have time for this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl makes note that the bitter edge has left Toni’s voice, now she just sounds, </span>
  <em>
    <span>tired.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She steps closer to Toni tentatively, almost as if she were approaching a wounded animal. When she makes no move to back away Cheryl steps forward again, and again, until she’s stood directly in front of the girl who’s heart she broke, and yet who still unknowingly holds her own, and always will. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl’s fingers twitch, itching to reach out and tuck a few loose braids behind Toni’s ear, to run her fingertips over her cheek, to pull her into her arms and never let her go, to whisper a multitude of apologies over and over until Toni knows that she only did what she did of necessity in order to keep her safe and out of harm’s way. That, although it may not seem like it, Cheryl put Toni first, as she always would.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toni come on, we can talk about this.” Cheryl tries to keep her voice even, tries to remove the edge of begging, of </span>
  <em>
    <span>pleading.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni’s voice is softer now, and Cheryl had to somewhat strain to hear it amongst the pattering of rain. “There’s nothing to talk about Cheryl. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> left </span>
  <em>
    <span>me.</span>
  </em>
  <span> You left me behind and now I have to figure out how I can find these kids.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toni please, I, </span>
  <em>
    <span>we,</span>
  </em>
  <span> can help, you’re not alone.” Toni’s lip trembles and it takes everything in Cheryl not to reach out and run the pad of her thumb over it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been alone ever since you walked out that door and left me without once looking back, you walked away from me, from </span>
  <em>
    <span>us.</span>
  </em>
  <span> You told me you would always be there, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>promised me,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cheryl’s heart breaks at the sound of Toni’s voice cracking, “you promised me you wouldn’t leave, and then you did, you did what everyone always does, you turned your back on me and walked away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toni-” but what can Cheryl say to that? How is she supposed to respond to Toni standing in front of her finally voicing the pain Cheryl caused her heart two years ago? Cheryl can feel it building in her chest, the overwhelming need to do something, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything,</span>
  </em>
  <span> to show Toni that she still cares for her, that she’s sorry for all that happened, that she wishes things were different. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni is still talking, her voice wobbling as she speaks of the pain Cheryl caused her. “You told me you loved me Cheryl, you told me you were different to everyone else, that you would never leave me and then you did and I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl kisses her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re standing in the pouring rain in the middle of Pops parking lot, close to 1am, with not another soul around, and Cheryl kisses her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One moment Toni’s revealing all her pain, all her hurt, and the next Cheryl has taken the smaller girl’s face carefully in her hands and brought their lips together. Kissing her with as much emotion and fever as she dare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And for a split second, Toni’s kissing her back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a split second, she’s pressing her soft lips against Cheryl’s, like they used to do years ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Until she isn't. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Until the feeling that Cheryl had dreamt of ever since she walked out that door is gone, and Toni’s pulling away as if Cheryl’s scolded her, backing away from her with panic in her eyes, and all Cheryl can think is, one resounding thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh fuck.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck she shouldn’t have done that. She shouldn’t have kissed Toni. She shouldn’t have pulled her close and once again felt what it was like to have Toni’s lips against her own. She shouldn’t have done that, but fuck she had, and in spite of it all, Cheryl can’t find it in herself to regret it. She can’t find it in herself to wish she could take it back, because in truth, she wishes she could do it again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni’s looking at her with wide eyes, her lips parted slightly, breath heavy and oh gosh Cheryl wants nothing more than to close the distance between them and press their lips together once more. But she can’t, and she doesn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead they stand there, the rain still hammering down around them, splattering on the ground, soaking their clothes and running down their faces, Cheryl watching as one drop in particular falls from Toni’s chin, but taking in the look on her face, she can’t be sure if it’s the rain or something else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“TT I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni scoffs, “wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve heard that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry it just slipped out, I’m sorry, I-I didn’t think, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something flashes in Toni’s eyes, a deep pain, one that’s been festering in her heart for a while, lying in wait, biding its time. A deep pain that Toni has managed to shove far below the layers of armour, has risen to the surface. “You don’t get to do this Cheryl,” the bitterness is back in Toni’s voice, but it doesn’t last long, melting away into something that sounds a lot like panic. “You don’t get to come back here and look at me the way you do, you don’t get to offer me rides home, you don’t get to kiss me, you don’t get to call me </span>
  <em>
    <span>that.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Her voice breaks and Cheryl feels a similar feeling in her heart, watching as tears pool in Toni’s eyes as she speaks with a kind of frustrated desperation, “you don’t get to come back after all this time and do all this, not after what you did. Not after </span>
  <em>
    <span>you left me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl feels desperation of her own begin to grow, “Toni, I-I know and I’m sorry, I wish it didn’t have to be the way it was, but it was out of my control, and I, it’s not fair I know, and I-I’m sorry I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not </span>
  <em>
    <span>fair?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Toni is looking at her incredulously. “No Cheryl, I’ll tell you what’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not fair.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Not fair is that I thought I’d finally found someone that I could rely on, finally trust. When you told me you’d never leave me I believed you. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved you</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cheryl, and then you walked out. You walked out and I spent </span>
  <em>
    <span>months</span>
  </em>
  <span> trying to figure out what I did wrong.” Toni’s practically shouting now and Cheryl can see the tears born from anger rolling down her cheeks, mingling with the rain, “you </span>
  <em>
    <span>broke me</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cheryl. I had to spend </span>
  <em>
    <span>so long</span>
  </em>
  <span> trying to put myself back together again, and I finally get to a place where I’m beginning to feel like myself again, and then you come back. You come back and I’m right back to where I started.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl tries to ignore the way her heart flutters at the implication of Toni’s words, she tries to ignore the hope that sparks in her chest, tries to ignore the growing thoughts of </span>
  <em>
    <span>perhaps,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she tries, but she fails. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni continues, her voice is filled with sorrow and frustration, “I-I wish I knew how to quit you Cheryl, but I just, I can’t. It’s like you’re back here and nothing has changed. I'm back to being the girl I used to be all those years ago, pinning after the pretty redhead. You hurt me Cheryl, more than anyone ever has. You ripped my heart from my chest a-and, and, yet you’re back here and I can’t take my eyes off you. You’re back here and all I can think about is everything that happened between us, everything that we used to be. I-I lie awake at night and I can’t get you out of my head, no matter how badly I try. You shattered my heart, and yet somehow it’s still yours. That’s what’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>fair.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl knows this isn't the time for it, she knows that this moment isn’t the right one for her heart to soar the way it does, but she’s helpless to stop it. Her heart is </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘still hers’</span>
  </em>
  <span> what was Toni saying? That she still cared for her? That in spite of all that's transpired between them, in spite of all the swirling emotions between them, that they might still have a chance? That there might still be </span>
  <em>
    <span>something?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t matter though, because before she can respond Toni’s taking a final look at her and shaking her head before turning and walking away, Cheryl’s eyes fixed to the Serpent adorning her back. After a few steps though, Toni pauses, looking back over her shoulder, “after all this time, even after everything, my heart still wants you, even after you decided you no longer wanted me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, she’s walking away. Toni’s walking away and Cheryl is scrambling to find something to say, something to respond to her with, but there’s nothing, what is she supposed to say? What </span>
  <em>
    <span>can</span>
  </em>
  <span> she say? What does she say to the biggest loss of her life, after hearing that? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gets as far as her name, “Toni-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni pauses, but doesn’t look at her, instead she shakes her head slightly, “I’m done Cheryl, I need to go. I need to go and work out what’s happening to these kids before anything else happens.” And with that she’s walking away, Cheryl watching her go as she slides her helmet on, revving her bike once before speeding out of the parking lot, leaving Cheryl stood alone in the pouring rain, wondering what the fuck she was supposed to do now.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed!<br/>Heads up the next chapter is the beginning of the more hefty stuff, just inacse people like to hae a warning!</p><p>Luce :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>No one's heard from Toni all day, and they know that means something is wrong.<br/>And it is, something is very, very wrong.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sup!</p><p>Part 4!<br/>See, told you I'd have it all up speedy!</p><p>Okay so this chapter (and the next) are the worst concerning angst and harrowing and triggering things. </p><p>Things get pretty intense so please heed my trigger warnings fully, and I'm gonna list like every possible thing no matter how minor or breifly mentioned, just because I'd rather list something needlessly than someone be caught out, so,<br/>Trigger warnings for this specific chapter are as follows:<br/>Abduction / kidnap, blood / mention of blood, physical violence (minor), use of and threats with a knife, use of and threats with a gun, talk of death / dying, breif mention of abuse (minor), a lot of swearing</p><p>I think that's it, and if there's something I've missed and you think I need to add please just let me know and I will. I know it sounds like a lot, but this chap is pretty intense, and as I said I'd rather list everything no matter how breif, just so everyone is aware of everything!</p><p>That said, I hope you like it and as always thoughts and comments are much appreciated!</p><p>Luce :)</p><p>Twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s mid Saturday afternoon when Cheryl’s worry sets in. Worry that only grows with every message sent between the group as it becomes increasingly clearer that none of them know where Toni is, or had had any contact with her all day. </p><p>The flag was first raised when they realised they were supposed to be meeting up in an hour to discuss going to the locations they’d decided on yesterday, and they’d yet to hear from Toni. </p><p>It’d been then they realised all of them had had radio silence from her all day, and whilst Cheryl wasn’t exactly in the habit of texting her, Veronica and Fangs were, and so when their messages were left without responses, they’d begun to grow concerned. </p><p>At some point during the group’s discussion, Veronica had called Cheryl, asking if Toni had mentioned anything yesterday evening and Cheryl had ended up revealing the entirety of last night’s events to her, including the part where Cheryl kissed Toni.</p><p>She still doesn’t think she’s got her head round it, still doesn’t think her mind has quite grasped that yesterday, even for just a moment, Cheryl was reminded of what it was like to have her lips pressed to Toni’s.</p><p>But, as much as she wishes she could sit and replay that moment over and over in her mind, even knowing how detrimental it would be to said mind, she can’t. She can’t because Toni isn’t replying to any of them, and they have no idea why.</p><p>When Kevin sends out a group message saying he’d checked Toni’s room and it was obvious she hadn’t come home last night, worry evolves into full blown panic, not just with Cheryl, but with all of them. The redhead immediately tells everyone to come to Thistlehouse so they can try and piece together what’s going on and less than twenty minutes later everyone’s crowded into her living room, racking their brains as to the root of Toni’s disappearance. At some point Fangs had begun pacing, Cheryl following him with her gaze as he runs through a list of possibilities, all of them seeming void as each of them shoot his suggestions down until he’s reached his final attempt at an explanation of Toni’s whereabouts, “she could be at work and is just super busy and hasn’t looked at her phone?”</p><p>Kevin speaks up, “no, I called her office phone too, no reply, and she’s not scheduled to work today anyway.”</p><p>“Cheryl you were with her last,” Veronica speaks up and all eyes land on her, “you said she left on her motorbike?”</p><p>Cheryl nods, “yeah, it was what, around 1am when she left, it was still raining pretty hard but she took her bike anyway,” she decides to forgo telling them all exactly what happened last night, besides, Veronica knew every detail and if she thought the two things were connected she’d have said.</p><p>“The rain was so bad last night, what if she had some sort of accident and she’s wiped out somewhere?” Reggie’s comment has Cheryl beginning to feel panic growing in her chest at the thought of Toni crashing, what if she was hurt, what if she was lying in the road somewhere, what if she-</p><p>“We would’ve seen her though, we covered the route she’d have taken home on the way here and we didn’t see anything.” Fangs brings Cheryl out of her swirling mind. </p><p>After last night and how bad the weather was, it was easy to think that something might have happened, especially if Toni wasn’t thinking properly. She’d been so upset when she’d left, not only thanks to their conversation, but also with her worrying about the missing children. Toni had been so adamant that she was going to find them, that she’d needed to go so she could figure out what she was supposed to do next, so she could work out where they were and how to get to them and-</p><p>“Oh god.”</p><p>“Cheryl, what is it?” The panic in Archie’s voice is undeniable.</p><p>“She’s gone after the children, she's gone to find the Ghoulies.”</p><p>“What?” Betty’s voice is a mixture of confusion and disbelief, “Toni wouldn’t have done that, would she? She knew we were meeting today to talk about scoping these places out.”</p><p>Cheryl shakes her head, “last night she was talking about how she had to go and find them, that she wouldn’t let anything else happen. What if, what if she went to speak to Malachai? What if she went to one of those places?” The panic in her voice is obvious, but as she looks at each of her friends faces, Cheryl knows she's not alone in feeling it.</p><p>“Toni wouldn’t, would she?” Veronica asks the question, but each of them know the answer already, they know Toni, know the kind of person she is, and so they know that the answer is yes, yes she absolutely would.</p><p>Sweet Pea speaks, trying to bring them all out of their current panicked thoughts, “okay so we give her the rest of today to show up, then if not we get together tomorrow morning and create a plan to go find her.”</p><p>Cheryl frowns, “no we can’t wait that long. She could be hurt, she could be with the Ghoulies right now, or in one of those places we spoke of last night, Malachai could have her. We have to go and look for her.”</p><p>Sweet Pea bites back, “go where? We don’t know where she could have gone, and we don’t even know that she went anywhere or for sure that the Ghoulies or Malachai has her. Of course I’m worried but for all we know she could’ve gone to the bar to drown her sorrows and ended up in someone’s bed.”</p><p>Cheryl can’t help the sharp intake of breath that rushes past her lips. That was not a circumstance that she wanted to think of or even potentially entertain. And besides, hadn’t Veronica herself said that Toni had never really been with anyone since they broke up? If that were the case then why would last night, of all nights, Toni have chosen to partake in a random hookup. What changed? Then again, Cheryl knows of events that took place last night that could have driven her to it. No she wouldn’t have, would she?</p><p>Before Cheryl can get lost any further into her thoughts, Veronica’s shaking her head, as is Fangs, “no Sweet Pea, trust me, she wouldn’t do that, she-” Veronica cuts herself off, eyes glancing to Cheryl fleetingly before turning back to Sweet Pea, “I just, I know she wouldn’t have done that.”</p><p>Cheryl speaks up again, entirely too agitated with the fact Toni could be in the clutches of the Ghoulies, in the hands of perhaps the most insane person Cheryl has ever met - and considering the people she’s known that’s no small feat - and they were sat around her living room simply talking about it. “We need to go and find her, <em> now.” </em></p><p>“Cheryl we can’t just go running round, we don’t even know where she could be. We need to make a plan.”</p><p>She shakes her head, “no, no I’m sorry Sweet Pea but I won’t sit here knowing that Toni could be out there somewhere, either hurt or being held by the Ghoulies or what. We all know damn well what Malachai is like! And Toni isn’t just anyone, she's the Serpent Queen, and that makes her an extremely valuable asset to them, you all know that. I know we don’t know much, but we do know that Toni’s missing, so why aren’t we doing anything about it?” She’s rambling now, desperation and panic rife in her voice, but she can’t bring herself to care, she can’t bring herself to care about anything other than the fact Toni was missing. Toni was missing and it might be all her fault and even if it wasn’t Cheryl had to find her, she had to find her and rescue her and bring her back to safety and wrap her up in her arms and-</p><p>A voice pulls her from her spiralling thoughts but Cheryl can already tell from the tone of voice that they were trying to make her stop, to take a moment to think, and she didn’t have a moment, <em> Toni </em> didn’t have a moment. </p><p>“Che-”</p><p>“No Betty! I can’t just stand around waiting. When I was sent to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy, did Toni stand around waiting? No, she kept digging and the second she got hint of where I was she came and rescued me. She didn’t sit around making plans or waiting to see what happened, she came running and didn’t stop looking until she found me. Now it’s my turn to go and find her.” </p><p>Reggie stands from where he’d been perched on the arm of the couch, “Cheryl’s right. Toni’s one of our own, she’s your queen Fangs.” Cheryl wasn’t entirely sure when Reggie and Toni became close, but then again she supposes it seems like a natural thing to come out of him and Fangs working at the garage together. “Toni’s family, we’re not just waiting around, we’re going to find her. We all know she’d do the same for each of us were it the other way round.”</p><p>Varying noises of agreement are made by the others and Archie runs his hand through his hair, “okay so, let’s think this through...”</p><p>----------</p><p>The first thing Toni becomes aware of when she comes into consciousness is that her head hurts. Like <em> really fucking hurts, </em> and she’s pretty sure the weird tickling she can feel on her skin is blood running down her face from her apparent head wound <em> . </em> The second thing her mind pulls into focus is that she’s sat down, on some chair, with her hands pinned uncomfortably behind her, and she can’t move. The third thing she realises, is that she’s not alone.</p><p>She lifts her head with a groan and the throbbing in her temple increases, attempting to take in her surroundings but before she can, she senses movement from her side as someone steps into view. </p><p>Malachai.</p><p>“Oh good, you’re awake.”</p><p>It all comes rushing back, her deciding that she couldn’t wait until morning to search for the missing kids and so deciding to take it upon herself to go alone on her bike, alone,in the wmiddle of the night, in the pouring rain, with no one else knowing of her plan. Yeah, probably not her finest of moments she’ll admit. </p><p>But it’s not the only memory of last night that floods into her head. She remembers being at La Bonne Nuit with the others, the others including Cheryl. </p><p>Cheryl, who had waited for her to offer a ride home, the beginning of a conversation that had evolved somehow into Toni baring her soul to her in the pouring rain. And then there was the kiss. </p><p>
  <em> God that kiss. </em>
</p><p>The feeling of Cheryl's lips against her own again after two years, the way in which they’d melted together in a perfect fit, the jolt that had run down Toni’s spine as she once more was reminded of what it felt like to kiss Cheryl Blossom. She remembered all of it, and she supposes she should regret it, regret the way she’d kissed her back, regret the way she’d allowed herself that one moment to relish in the feeling of Cheryl’s lips against her own one more time. Regret letting the girl who shattered her heart back in so easily. </p><p>Toni knows she should, but she doesn’t.</p><p>How could she? How could she regret something that she’d spent the past two years dreaming of?</p><p>Yes Cheryl had left her, and yes she’d been left broken and her heart in dispair, but the thing is, is that Cheryl had left <em> her, </em> not the other way round. All because Cheryl removed her heart from Toni’s hands doesn’t mean Toni removed her’s from Cheryl’s ownership. </p><p>Even after all this time, even after all this hurt, all this pain, Toni still doesn’t have it in her to hate Cheryl for what she did. She knows she should to some extent, but Toni knows, as she’d known these past two years, as she’d known when she’d set her eyes upon Cheryl for the first time in two years as she’d left Pops three weeks ago, Toni knows she could <em> never </em> hate Cheryl. In fact, more than that, Toni knows that when it comes to Cheryl Blossom, Toni is helpless to feel anything other than the exact opposite of it.</p><p>“Toni Topaz, Serpent Queen,” Malachai laughs dryly and she feels a shiver run down her spine at the sheer creepiness of it.</p><p>She tries to wriggle, to test the strength of her bindings, but when nothing budges she knows it’s to no avail. </p><p>She’s not scared though. No chance. She’s Toni Topaz, she’s the Serpent Queen, she’s been through hell and back, and she <em> doesn’t get scared. </em> </p><p>She might have cast a thought to the fact that she didn’t tell any of the others about her plan, and she might also be highly aware of the fact that absolutely no one knows where she is. Toni may be heavily aware that she’s at the abandoned truck stop, or at least she had been when someone had hit her over the head and knocked her out, and so there was absolutely no chance of any random passerby finding her. Toni’s also not ignoring the fact that she finds herself bound to a chair alone in a room with by far the most terrifying person she’s ever had the misfortune of knowing. </p><p>Toni’s hyper aware of each of these things, and how even by themselves she’s royally fucked, let alone when you add them all together. But she’s not <em> scared. </em> </p><p>Toni doesn’t <em> do </em> scared.</p><p>But when Malachai reaches out and grazes a filthy finger over her cheek, she can’t help but flinch. </p><p>Okay, so maybe she’s a bit scared. Okay<em> a lot</em> <em>scared</em>, but that doesn't mean anyone else needs to know, especially not Malachai. </p><p>The others will realise she’s missing eventually right? They’ll piece together what she’d done and work out where she could be and come after her, right? They wouldn’t leave her, <em> right? </em> </p><p>Of course, not, they’re coming for her, she knows them, they wouldn’t leave her. </p><p>But then again, Toni had thought she’d known Cheryl. Toni had thought she could once believe the same about her, thought she could trust that when Cheryl promised her, she meant it, but then look what happened. </p><p>No, she couldn’t think like that, this was different, they’d come for her, she was sure of it, Toni just had to bide her time until they got to her. She just had to keep him talking, because if he was talking at least he was distracted and he wouldn’t turn to whatever weird shit the Ghoulies did these days. She shivers, but not because she’s scared because she’s <em> absolutely not </em>going to let him know she was scared. But then again, she had every reason to be. The Ghoulies were a bunch of psychos the lot of them, she’s pretty sure the rumours of cannibalism weren’t just rumours, she knew the kind of fucked up stuff they were capable of, and she absolutely was not going to sit here and get a first hand witness to Malachai’s particular level of unhinged.  </p><p>“What is this Malachai? What are you doing here?”</p><p>He laughs, menacingly and seemingly devoid of any actual emotion, “oh I think you know what’s happening Topaz, after all that’s why you came here in the first place isn’t it?”</p><p>“You’re taking the kids.” It’s a statement, not a question, and both of them are more than aware of that.</p><p>He doesn’t even try and deny it, just releases a grin in perhaps the <em> creepiest </em> sight Toni thinks she’s ever seen before responding, “they’re proving very useful.” She’s not scared, she’s <em> not </em> scared, <em> she’s not scared. </em></p><p>She feigns confidence, her eyes narrow, her voice strengthening, her anger flaring, “so it’s true then? You’re abducting fucking <em> children </em> and forcing them into being drug mules and dealers so you can keep your production and distribution on the down low, all so I don’t find out and kick you from the Southside? Sound about right? What the fuck is <em> wrong </em> with you?”</p><p>He laughs, cold and mechanically, before stepping towards her, leaning down slightly so his face is inches from hers, “looks like you’ve figured it all out.” His eyes roam her face, “looks like you have brains as well as beauty,” and as he grins again, Toni decides she was wrong before, <em> this </em> is the singlehandedly creepiest sight she has ever seen. Malachai looking at her like she was a piece of meat, like she was some sort of prize to be won, some sort of prey. </p><p>In spite of how absolutely terrified she feels inside she knows the second he senses it she’s fucked, so she sneers at him, “and you’re a goddamn psychopath.”</p><p>Toni’s head snaps to the side as she feels the back of his hand collide with her cheek, after a moment she feels something wet running down her skin and soon realises it’s blood, Malachai’s ring must’ve caught on her cheek. </p><p>She doesn’t move for a second, allowing the sharp sting from his hand to begin to dissipate, but before she can turn to look at him of her own accord, he’s grabbing her chin between his fingers and forcing her to look at him anyway. “So the Serpent Queen has some venom after all. You know rumours said you’d gone soft, but I knew they weren’t true. I knew that scrappy Serpent I knew all those years ago was still in there.”</p><p>He loosens his harsh grip on her chin then, and she pulls her face away from his hand defiantly, desperately hoping to appear tough, hoping he doesn’t see the tremble of her lip or sense the pounding of her heart. Hoping he doesn’t sense her <em> fear, </em> because she’s not scared, <em> she’s not fucking scared. </em></p><p>Malachai takes a few steps back laughing, and Toni waits a moment before stealing her nerve and shifting her gaze to look at him, her eyes narrowed and hard. “You’re abducting kids, keeping them locked up in an abandoned truck stop, forcing them to run drugs, and god knows whatever else-”</p><p>He cuts her off then, and the tone of his voice makes Toni think she’s supposed to be impressed by the severity of what was happening, but she was simply even more disgusted than before. “Drugs, guns, knives, money for said deals, you name it, they run it.”</p><p>“You’re disgusting you know that, they’re just kids!” Toni’s shouting now, the sheer disbelief that this was happening causing her voice to rise. </p><p>Malachai steps closer and Toni thinks that she’s gonna have to work harder to keep this conversation neutral in order to buy herself, and the kids, as much time as she could before the others got here. Because they were coming, <em> oh god please let them be coming. </em></p><p>“I’m just doing what needs to be done Topaz, someone’s gotta run business around here, there’s money to be had.”</p><p>Toni shakes her head, pulling at the rope binding her hands behind the back of the chair. She gives up moments later, knowing it was futile. </p><p>She sighs, at least if he was here she could keep him talking, keep away from the kids, that, and she might as well find out as much as she could, “who are you working for? It can’t be Hiram, not unless someone’s taken over his shady dealings after he died. Who is it huh? Penny?” </p><p>Malachai laughs, before stepping closer again and crouching down in front of her, “I’m wounded Queenie, you don’t think I have the skills to pull this off on my own?”</p><p>Toni shakes her head, she should have known this was his own doing, only someone as fucked up as him could think of something as sick as this. She tells him as much, “oh right yeah, sorry my bad, I forgot that you were a <em> sick fuck, </em> of course this was all you.”</p><p>The hand that lands another blow across her face strikes harder than last time, and this time Toni can see red begin to blur in her view as blood begins to trickle down her nose from the cut he’d just created across the bridge of it. </p><p>“I’d watch your mouth Topaz, you’re not doing so well for yourself right now.”</p><p>Toni doesn’t bite back though, too busy trying not to let her brain recount memories of her Uncle’s hand making the same movement against her, but in spite of it all she’s still <em> not scared.  </em></p><p>“And besides,” he begins to pace and Toni isn’t entirely sure when he’d stood back up in the first place, <em> focus Toni, </em> “if you hadn’t made us agree to that damn agreement in the first place then this wouldn’t be happening, so in reality, it’s your fault Topaz.”</p><p>Her eyes snap to look at him, a cold, harsh glint in them as the look that takes over Toni’s face can be described only as pure, unfiltered anger. “My fault, <em> my </em> fault? No, you listen here you little fuckwit, I have done <em> everything </em> to keep those kids safe, I cleaned up the Serpents and the Southside <em> for </em> them, I got their parents steady jobs and steady incomes <em> for them, </em> I became a social worker so I could <em> help them, </em> so I could see things that were going wrong and make them better <em> for them, </em> so they knew they had someone <em> looking out for them. </em> I got rid of drugs from the Southside so the kids would be <em> safer, </em> I-</p><p>His voice is condescending as he interrupts her, “that’s sweet, except not only did you <em> not </em> do that because trust me sweetheart you didn’t get rid of shit, but your attempt at doing so was exactly why we had to go to all these lengths in the first place.” </p><p>Toni’s voice rises louder still, laced with venom, “or you could’ve just stuck to the terms of our deal and left drugs alone. Seriously Malachai, <em> Jingle Jangle?” </em></p><p>The Ghoulie leader snorts before crouching down in front of her again tilting his head slightly as he does, she tugs at her hands and <em> dear god please let them be close to finding her, </em> “you know I was never gonna leave this business alone Queenie, there’s too much money in it.”</p><p>She tries to keep the pleading edge out of her voice, instead forcing a false air of confidence and power, “just, just let the kids go Malachai, let them go back to their families and we can talk. I know they’re all here, I know you’re keeping them all locked up here, just let them go home and we can sort something out.”</p><p>Toni wasn’t about to actually entertain the idea of doing <em> anything </em> other than getting free and proceeding to show him exactly what she thought of him, but she knew she had to keep him talking, she had to buy herself and the kids as much time as she could, her friends would be here soon. <em> Please let them be here soon.  </em></p><p>He laughs, “that’s a no can do Topaz. We are going to have a little conversation though, but you won’t be the one doing the talking. Because the way I see it, you’re here alone, no one knows you’re here, no one’s coming to save you,” her heart pounds at that, please let the others work it out soon, <em> please, </em> “I have you in the palm of my hand Queenie, and so I’m going to be the one talking, and you’re going to listen.”</p><p>She grits her teeth, shuts her eyes, inhales, exhales, and tries to keep her voice even, “fine you wanna talk, then we’ll talk, but just let the kids go.”</p><p>He chuckles, cold and menacing, “those kids aren’t going anywher., I’ve gotta make my money and I need them to do it for me. That and I know with them still here you’ll do whatever I say. They’re a good bartering chip, don’t you think?” </p><p>Toni’s anger gets the better of her and before she can stop herself and keep things calm to bide her time she’s practically spitting at him in rage. “You’re fucking psychotic you know that?! They’re just kids they-”</p><p>Another blow of contact between Malachai’s hand and her face, this time Toni feels her lip split, blood running down her chin. </p><p>
  <em> Son of a bitch.  </em>
</p><p>“I’d watch my tongue if I were you Queenie.” He’s towering over her and she tugs once again at her bindings, even despite being well aware of the futility of it, she wasn’t getting free by herself, that much she knew. He leans forward and tucks some hair behind her ear, she tries to squirm away from his hand, but she doesn't exactly have the ability to get away from him and so is helpless to stop his fingers from lingering on her cheek. God she feels sick. <em> Please let them be close. </em></p><p>“So about this deal. What’s going to happen is you’re going to lift the ban on the Ghoulies dealing, you’re going to lift the ban on drugs in the Southside, you’re going to tell your little <em> snakes </em> that we have free reign to sell on Serpent territory, and whilst I’m at it, you’re going to move the boundary and give us the old Southside High. Oh and it goes without saying that you and anyone else who knows about my <em> dealings </em> won’t say a word to anyone.”</p><p>Toni shakes her head furiously, there was <em> no way </em> any of that was happening. She was about to tell him as much when Malachai continues condescendingly, as if he was doing her such a huge favour, “and in return I’ll let the kids go, I won’t take any more, and, as much as it will pain me to watch you go, I’ll let you go so you can run home to your little snakes.”</p><p>Toni shakes her head again, there was no way she could give him all that. She’d spent the last two years cleaning up the Southside and getting drugs away from the kids, she wasn’t going to let that be for nothing, and as far as moving the boundary, well Malachai could go and screw himself. <em> But then again, </em> the kids, if she did this he’d free them, he would leave them alone. <em> Fuck. </em> </p><p>“You know I can’t do all that. It’s too much, just let the kids go and we can talk, we can come to an agreement, but those kids can’t be part of the deal. They’re <em> children </em> not bartering chips.”</p><p>He sneers, standing and walking away from her for a few steps before turning back to face her. She nearly recoils from the grin across his face. </p><p>When he speaks his voice is dripping with what can only be described as sheer sadism<em> , </em> “see, I thought you might say that. So here’s my other proposition. You decline, and I carve off that beloved <em> tattoo </em> of yours and send it to your little snakes along with your jacket and my demands, I’m pretty sure they’d agree to my terms to avoid receiving <em> any more of you.” </em></p><p>Toni wants to puke. And the worst part about it was that she had absolutely no qualms that he would do it. She knows what a sick bastard he is, and she wouldn’t put it past him to do it with a smile on his face and a laugh on his lips.</p><p>“And then there’s the fact that I’d have to <em> find </em> your tattoo, and I’m sure I’d have a lot of fun doing that.”</p><p>Fuck she’s going to be sick. Please let the others be here soon, please let them be close, <em> please don’t let them be far now, please. </em></p><p>“M-malachai let’s just, let’s just talk about this.” She knows she was supposed to be trying to keep him from seeing that she was scared but screw trying to keep him from seeing how badly she was trembling, because right now she has to do whatever the fuck she can to keep herself <em> alive and in one piece. </em></p><p>“Let’s just, let’s just talk about it-”</p><p><em> “Or,” </em> he cuts her off, “how about I go find that pretty redhead of yours? I know she’s back in town, I’m sure should she come into the equation you’d be more inclined to give me what I want.”</p><p>Her pretty redhead?</p><p>
  <em> Oh fuck.  </em>
</p><p>Cheryl. </p><p>
  <em> He meant Cheryl.  </em>
</p><p>Her voice is fierce and brimming with anger, “you leave her out of it, she has <em> nothing </em> to do with any of this.” Toni didn’t even have the thought to inform him that Cheryl wasn’t <em> her </em> pretty redhead, not anymore. </p><p>He simply laughs, cynical and cold, “well then, I believe it’s in your best interests to give me what I want.”</p><p>“Malachai please, just let the kids go and, and we can talk, okay? Let them go and I’ll stay here and we can talk.” </p><p>Toni had to keep those kids safe, no matter what, she had to keep the kids, <em> and Cheryl, </em> safe. </p><p>“I told you my terms Queenie, you either accept them or not.”</p><p>She sobs, all attempts at appearing tough out the window, “you know I can’t do that, you know I can’t accept all that.”</p><p>He grins sinisterly and Toni feels tremors run down her spine. </p><p>He sighs before walking over to the door, Toni following him with her eyes the entire time. He pokes his head outside and speaks to someone, Toni presumes another Ghoulie. She doesn’t hear everything he says but she makes out the words ‘package’ and ‘leave outside the Wyrm’ and she knows this can’t be good. </p><p>
  <em> Please let them be close. </em>
</p><p>The Ghoulie leader closes the door, before glancing over at her and walking to the back of the room, slamming his hands down on an old table, shaking his head and muttering to himself. After a few moments he turns back to face her, his eyes staring, devoid of any emotion and a sickening, sadistic smirk forming. </p><p>It’s then that things begin to go south, because it’s then that Malachai reveals the knife he’s just picked up from the table. </p><p>
  <em> Oh fuck.  </em>
</p><p>This was not good. This was <em> really </em> not fucking good. </p><p>
  <em> Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.  </em>
</p><p>She was going to die, of that much she was certain. The others were nowhere to be seen, and the most psychotic person she’d ever had the misfortune of knowing was standing across the room from where she was bound to a chair, and he was holding a knife. </p><p><em> A very fucking big knife. </em> </p><p>A very fucking big knife that he’d just told her what he’d use it for should she not agree to his demands.</p><p>Demands that she couldn’t agree to. </p><p>
  <em> Oh fuck. </em>
</p><p>Toni felt panic rise in her chest. Panic and fear and dread and <em> regret. </em> </p><p>Regret for all that she had yet to do, for the life she had left to live. Regret for not telling anyone what she was doing before she’d ridden off in the middle of the night into the belly of the proverbial beast. Regret for the children she’d never get to help, for the lives she wouldn’t be able to make better. Regret for not staying in contact with her grandfather as much as she should’ve when she was at Highsmith before he passed away. Regret for falling out of touch with Sweet Pea for those few months last year. Regret for all those times she told herself one day, only to know now one day would never reach her. Regret for not travelling more, not allowing herself the opportunity to see the world that now she guesses she’ll never know. Regret for not going on that road trip last year with Fangs and Kevin to LA to see Sweet Pea, a road trip she didn’t go on purely because road trips reminded her entirely too much of <em> her.  </em></p><p>Cheryl. </p><p>
  <em> Oh fuck.  </em>
</p><p>Toni was about to die, she was about to feel her life leave her lungs and she would do so knowing that Cheryl thought she hated her. That Cheryl didn’t know how utterly and truly and <em> deeply </em> in love with her she still was. Even after all this time, after all that had happened. </p><p>Toni still loved Cheryl, and now she’d never get the chance to tell her. </p><p>Sure what Cheryl had done was messed up, and sure Toni had been heartbroken for <em> months, </em> but as she’d said before, it was Cheryl who had taken her heart away from Toni, it was Cheryl who’d left. Cheryl may have been the one who walked out the door, but when she did so she did with Toni’s heart still firmly in the palm of her hand. </p><p>And now she thought Toni hated her. </p><p>And now Toni was going to die before she got the chance to tell her any different. </p><p>And now Toni would never get the chance to tell Cheryl she loved her one more time. </p><p>
  <em> Oh fuck.  </em>
</p><p>Malachai was stalking closer, turning the knife over in his hands. </p><p>
  <em> Fuck fuck fuck.  </em>
</p><p>She sobs, “M-Malachi, we, we can tal-”</p><p>He sneers, “the time for talking is over Queenie, I gave you my terms, take them or leave them, it’s up to you.”</p><p>What the fuck was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to get these kids out of here? How was she supposed to get <em> herself </em> out of here? </p><p>She had more life left to live. It couldn’t end like this, in some abandoned truck stop at the hands of the most <em> psychotic </em>person she’d ever met, could it? </p><p>She tries once more, her voice cracking as he steps ever closer, <em> “please Malachai, </em> please just let the kids go, we can talk about what you want, but please just let them go.”</p><p>He steps closer still and soon Toni feels the cold metal of the blade pressed against her cheek, her bottom lip trembling almost as much as the rest of her body. </p><p>“I told you my terms Topaz, I also told you what would happen if you decided to say no deal. I’m giving you one last chance.”</p><p>He steps back, walking to stand behind her and thankfully removing the knife from her cheek, however her relief is soon forgotten as she feels his face hovering so close to her that she can feel his breath on her neck as he whispers into her ear, “this is your last chance, take the deal or accept the fallout.”</p><p>She shivers, tears streaming down her cheeks, shaking her head as she sobs, “just let the kids go, let them go <em> please.” </em></p><p>Malachai comes into view as he walks to stand in front of her once more. “Accept the deal and I will, it’s that simple.” But Toni shakes her head, choking out another sob, “you know I can’t, you know I’m not going to let drugs back in, you know I can’t give you Southside High, you know it’s too much.”</p><p>He puts on a patronising voice, “but what about the kids Queenie, don’t you wanna save them?”</p><p>He goes to say more but suddenly his phone rings. As he pulls it from his jacket pocket a small part of Toni is surprised at the fact he actually <em> owns </em> a phone in the first place, but the majority of her is panicking at the frown forming on his brow, the way he’s turning so he now has his back to her, the way he speaks in angry hushed tones to whoever was on the other end of the line. </p><p>Before that panic can evolve though, he’s hanging up and shoving his phone back in his pocket before sighing heavily and running the hand not <em> still holding the knife </em> through his hair. </p><p>He turns to face her again and Toni’s panic grows evermore. She knows that look, it’s a look that she herself has worn. It’s a look that lets Toni know that Malachai has just been informed of something that has caused a problem for his plans. Toni sends out a silent prayer that said problem is the arrival of her friends come to rescue her. <em> Please let it be them. </em></p><p>“It would appear plans have changed Queenie.”</p><p>The knife clatters to the floor and for a moment Toni can feel herself breathe again. </p><p>However that moment doesn’t last long, because she then watches as Malachai reaches behind himself, pulling something out from under his top from the waistband of his jeans. </p><p>Only when he moves his hand back does Toni see what he’s holding. </p><p>A gun. </p><p>
  <em> Oh fuck.  </em>
</p><p>“I’m sorry it had to be like this Topaz, but you’ve just become more trouble than you’re worth, and as much <em> fun </em> I’m sure we’d have had, it’s time to end this.”</p><p>
  <em> End this.  </em>
</p><p><em> This </em> being her life. </p><p>
  <em> Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.  </em>
</p><p>“Apparently your little snakes have found out about your disappearance and have begun tearing through our territory to find you. I’ve had to send every Ghoulie apart from myself to go and deal with them.”</p><p>Toni’s heart sinks, as much as she was elated that the Serpants knew she was missing, they couldn’t be further away from finding her. </p><p>She was going to die. </p><p>She was going to die and no one was coming to stop it. </p><p>She was going to die and she’d have never gotten the chance to tell Cheryl she still loved her. </p><p>She was going to die never knowing if things could have been fixed between them, never having one last time of knowing what it felt like to hold her hand one more time, to press her lips against Cheryl's own, to have the redhead’s arms wrapped around her and fingers running through her hair. </p><p>She was going to die and she’d never get the chance to hear Cheryl telling her three simple words. </p><p>She was going to die, and she would never again get to hear Cheryl say the words “I love you.”</p><p>A sob tears it’s way out of Toni’s throat, “p-please don’t do this, you don’t have t-to do this.” She might be Serpent Queen, she might be strong and tough and fierce, but right now Toni was also desperate. </p><p>Desperate to stop this, desperate to <em> live.  </em></p><p>“I’m sorry it has to be like this Topaz, truly I am, but you being here is causing a lot of problems. If it makes you feel better to know, once you’re taken care of I’ll bring your body with me to take back to your little snakes, to show them who’s in charge of them now. Who’s in charge of the whole of the Southside.”</p><p>Toni’s shaking her head violently, tugging at her bindings with every ounce of strength she has, silently pleading that there was a way out of this, that she would escape. </p><p>But as Malachai raises his arm, as Toni finds herself staring down the barrel of the pistol, she realises that wasn’t going to happen. </p><p>“I’m sorry Topaz, I really am.”</p><p>She sobs again, her dying thought, her last words leaving her mouth in a whisper, “I love you Cheryl Blossom.”</p><p>A bang echoes throughout the room.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry for leaving it like this, kinda.</p><p>Luce :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. For you I'd ruin myself a million little times</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The group rush to rescue Toni, but are they in time?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi</p><p>Part 5 is up woo</p><p>Chapter secific trigger warnings are as follows:<br/>Blood / mention of blood, threats with and use of gun, threats generally, physical violence (minor), mention of / talking about death, swearing</p><p>I think that's everything, as I said before I'd rather say everything and not need to than not say something and it be needed.</p><p>Hope you like it and as always thoughts and comments make me happy,</p><p>Luce :)</p><p>Twiter: @TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cheryl’s leg bounces as she sits in the passenger seat of Archie's truck. Checking her phone once more, she sighs heavily. This had to work, it </span>
  <em>
    <span>had to.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It’d taken all day but they’d finally worked out where Malachai was keeping the children, and therefore Toni. They’d ended up contacting the Serpents, well Fangs had, explaining the situation and within the hour there were Serpents headed to each of the possible locations, whilst they stayed at Thistlehouse and worked out what they were going to do once they worked out where Toni, and the children - but if she’s being brutally honest Toni was Cheryl’s priority right now - were being held. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d been halfway through putting together a strategy when Fangs had gotten a call informing him Toni’s bike had been seen at the old truck stop, sans Toni, and there was also a lot activity there considering it was supposed to be abandoned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Half an hour later they’d finished their plan and begun to put it in motion whilst Cheryl silently prayed they somehow pulled it off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Serpents were to head into Ghoulie territory to cause chaos as a distraction, so that Malachai was forced to send every Ghoulie there in order to handle them, meaning there were none at the truck stop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The truck stop where Toni was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The truck stop where Toni was, </span>
  <em>
    <span>with Malachai. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they’d been given the all clear from the Serpents that the Ghoulies had all left, the group of them would then go to the old truck stop, and split into two groups. Group one, consisting of Reggie, Kevin, Veronica, Tabitha, and Betty, would go and find the kids, calling Sheriff Thompson - who knew of the situation - when they did, who alongside the other deputies would take the children to safety.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Group two consisted of Archie, Sweet Pea, Fangs and herself, and they were tasked with finding Toni.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which brought them to now, pulling into the truck stop, Archie, Betty and herself in Archie’s truck and the others close behind in Fangs and Reggie’s cars. Cheryl can feel her heart pounding in her chest as she clambers out of the vehicle and glances around. It was deserted, nothing but an empty parking lot with a gas station and a couple of crumbling buildings, and, </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh god.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She hears another two vehicles come to a stop behind them, presumably the rest of them in Fangs and Reggie’s cars, but Cheryl’s unable to turn around to greet them, her eyes fixed on something leaning up against the front of one of the buildings. Something that makes her blood boil and her knees weak all at the same time. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Toni’s bike.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She feels those same words leave her lips in a hushed murmur soon everyone is crowding around her, all of them looking across the lot, their eyes falling upon one of Toni’s most prized possessions. Cheryl feels a hand squeeze her shoulder and another hand clasp her own, Veronica tightening her grip in support as Fangs whispers in her ear, “we’ll get her back red.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gosh she really hoped so. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They split off then, the others in search of the children and Cheryl’s group in search of Toni. They decided to check out the building with Toni’s bike outside first, it was after all, seemingly the most obvious of places to start, especially seeing as the Ghoulies - and Malachai - were not known for their cleverness or conspicuousness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They soon reach the crumbling building, Archie picking the lock as Betty had taught him, before pushing it open tentatively. They peer in and through the darkness can make out an open space, almost like a lobby, with a few doors and what looked like a set of steps leading down to perhaps some kind of basement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sweet Pea turns to look at her, “okay, so how are we gonna do this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl takes a deep breath before running a hand through her hair, “we search each and every damn room until we find her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The others nod and they enter as a group before splitting off, each of them taking a door and signalling to open it at the same time. As Cheryl pushes hers open she can feel her heart pounding in her chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room was empty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had to find her, they </span>
  <em>
    <span>had to. </span>
  </em>
  <span>There was no other option, Cheryl had to get Toni back. She needed her to be safe, needed her to be unharmed, needed her to be okay. There was so much to say to her, to explain to her, so many answers to give, so many words not yet said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no way Cheryl was losing Toni with her not knowing the truth about what had happened two years prior. There was no way Cheryl was going to allow Toni to think for a second longer that she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> to walk out that door, that she wanted to do anything other than scoop Toni up in her arms and kiss her until there was no air left in their lungs. There was no way that Cheryl was going to allow Toni to think for even another moment that she wasn’t deeply, truly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hopelessly,</span>
  </em>
  <span> in love with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Empty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got nothing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boys voices pull her out of her thoughts, Toni wasn’t here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walks out to meet them in the main room, shaking her head, before they all turn to look at the stairs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They make their way over to them, peering down into the darkness to see if they could make out what was at the bottom, but to no avail. They move down the stairs as a group, Archie and Fangs in front, her and Sweet Pea behind. Their steps are slow and steady, deliberately calculated as to make as little noise as possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl hears Fang’s breath hitch and soon finds herself bumping into his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d reached the bottom of the stairs, but why had they stopped?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look,” Fangs whispers, causing Cheryl to peak past his shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before them was a long corridor, with a few doors either side and one at the end. One at the end with a light shining outwards from the gap underneath it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl feels her heart stop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then she hears a sob. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sob that was unmistakably-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toni.” All it takes is Sweet Pea whispering her name before all four of them are charging down the hallway, straight towards the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s Archie who gets there first, slamming the door open with a bang. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>—————</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything is still. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For one singular moment, it’s as if everything has paused and Toni’s found herself caught suspended in a moment of time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s quiet, peaceful, serene. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then everything comes rushing back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly there’s a bang as the door is thrown open and Archie, Fangs and Sweet Pea come barging in, followed by Cheryl. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Cheryl. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She was here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wait. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl was here. Archie, Sweet Pea, Fangs, and Cheryl were </span>
  <em>
    <span>here.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d found her. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They’d found her</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were here and they’d found her and they were here and she was gonna be okay and </span>
  <em>
    <span>they were here and they’d found her. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Her thoughts revolve round and round, a repeating mantra taking hold of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Cheryl was here. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d come to rescue her, to rescue the kids, they’d found her. She was going to be alright. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Malachai wasn’t going to finish what he’d begun. He wasn’t going to cause those kids anymore harm, he wasn’t going to carry on with his dealings, he wasn’t going to hurt her or anyone else, he-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wait. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Where was he?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And why did Cheryl look like she was about to faint?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only when she feels the unmistakable press of a gun to her temple does Toni realise where the Ghoulie leader has gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s standing behind her, with the gun pressed against the side of her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh fuck. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Malachai speaks, his face dangerously close to her ear, and Toni wishes she could move away but the pressure against her temple refrains her, instead her eyes shift to look at the floor as she chokes out a sob. Besides, Cheryl flinches hard enough for the both of them. “Well well Queenie, looks like they found you after all,” Malachai’s voice is patronising, an almost sickeningly sweet edge dripping from it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> her voice comes out as a whisper but it goes unheard as Fangs’ voice echoes around the room, “let her go you bastard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pressure against her temple increases and she whimpers, tears streaming down her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni’s aware of the boys angrily exchanging words with Malachai, but she’s too distracted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Distracted by the sound of her name, voiced between soft lips in a pained whimper, “Toni.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni looks up, directly into brown eyes. Brown eyes that were filled with tears, and fear, and pain, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>regret.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Regret that Toni had felt all too familiarly when she’d first woken up in this basement. Regret for all that had transpired, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>, between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before she can stop herself she’s voicing her own whisper, “Cheryl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their interaction has seemingly drawn the attention of the others because she can almost feel Malachai’s sneer as he speaks, “well well Topaz, it would appear that your girl has come to rescue you after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both her and Cheryl flinch at that. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Your girl. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl had been hers once, but, as much as Toni wishes it wasn’t so, she no longer was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then again, that didn’t mean she wasn’t still Cheryl’s. Well, her heart at least, Cheryl may have left her, but Toni’s heart knew where it belonged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just let her go Malachai, let Toni and the kids go and we can talk and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cuts Archie off, “oh I’ve done enough talking, </span>
  <em>
    <span>haven’t I</span>
  </em>
  <span> Topaz?” Toni whimpers as she feels his hand grip her hair, forcing her head back, the pressure on her temple still there as he continues. “I’ve told </span>
  <em>
    <span>your Queen</span>
  </em>
  <span> my terms, she decided they weren’t something she would agree to, perhaps now we’re in this situation you might think differently, </span>
  <em>
    <span>snake.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Fang’s eyes narrow, as the Ghoulie leader’s gaze presumably shifts to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want?” Toni wants to call out to stop Fangs from even entertaining the idea of agreeing to what Malachai wanted, but before she can, his grip on her hair is tightening and he’s reeling off his list of demands once more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All Toni can focus on is Cheryl. Or more, how Cheryl is looking at her. Because amongst the fear and worry and anger, there’s a glint of something else in her gaze. A glint that Toni hasn’t seen in a long time. A glint of something that Toni used to see daily, a glint of something that made her heart jolt, but not in a bad way, for it made her heart jolt with hope. Because the glint in Cheryl’s eyes, it was unmistakable, Toni couldn’t ignore it even if she tried. The glint in Cheryl’s gaze, the gaze directed towards her, was </span>
  <em>
    <span>love.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>----------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl’s heart thuds in her chest as she looks at the sight before her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Malachai was standing behind Toni, a fist in her hair and a gun to her temple. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni, who had blood running down from a litter of cuts on her cheek, her nose, her lip, as well as a ghastly looking wound on her head, as if she’d been struck.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’d hurt her, Malachai had hurt Toni and, fuck, she was going to kill him for it.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He’s hurt Toni. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni, who wanted nothing other than to find the missing children and return them to their families. Toni, who had spent the past two years doing everything she could in order to make their lives better, cleaning up the Southside, hauling them out of poverty. Toni, who her heart called out for. Toni, who she wanted to run to and wrap her arms around, to take her far away from here and back to Thistlehouse, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no back to NY,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and tuck her up out of harms way and keep her safe from the horrors of this evil town. Toni, who she wanted to whisper sweet nothings to as she pressed her lips against her soft skin, to explain everything that had happened and how, if she had thought there was any other way than leaving her, Cheryl would have never walked out that door. Toni, who Cheryl wanted more than anything to tell her just how truly and ardently she loved her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni, who, valiantly as ever, was interrupting Fangs beginning to agree to Malachai’s terms in order to tell the Ghoulie leader to </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘go fuck himself.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni, who was currently wincing in pain as Malachai tightened his hold on her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>God Cheryl was going to kill him for even daring to lay a hand on her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They just had to keep him distracted long enough for her phone to chime, long enough for her to receive that all important message from Veronica letting her know the kids were all out and safe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let her go you ghoul,” Cheryl knows that she should refrain from poking his temper considering what, or rather </span>
  <em>
    <span>whom,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he had in his hands, but she couldn’t help herself. “Just let Toni go and we can sort something out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl tries to ignore the way Toni’s looking at her, tries to ignore the feeling of those brown eyes laid upon her, tries to ignore the way her heart thuds and her spine shivers, tries to ignore the way her breath hitches as her own eyes meet Toni’s. She tries, but she fails. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Malachai sneers at her, but thankfully releases his grip on Toni’s hair. Cheryl’s heart pains when she hears the smaller woman’s whimper as her head is released, fuck the past and fuck the possibility of Toni hating her, after they’d gotten her out of here Cheryl was going to wrap her up in her arms and never let her go again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni didn’t deserve any of this. All she ever tried to do was the right thing, to help people and give them better lives, to prevent any child from growing up the way she had, and look where it had landed her. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>fair.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Toni was good and pure, she was caring and kind, she was funny and </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh so clever, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she had perhaps the biggest heart of anyone that Cheryl had ever known. She was strong and tough, yet soft and delicate, this beautiful juxtaposition, this perfect enigma. She was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Toni,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and Cheryl loved her. Cheryl loved her with every ounce of her being, every fibre of her soul, and gosh when they got away from here the redhead was going to tell her as much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just step away from her and we can talk, just put the gun down and step away from her and we can sort something out.” Cheryl registers Archie’s voice, gentle and coaxing, trying to get Malachai to take that damn gun away from where it was still pressed against Toni’s temple. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Ghoulie leader narrows his eyes, sneering at them all, and perhaps one of the longest seconds of Cheryl's life so far ticks by, but ultimately he relents. Malachai pulls the pistol away from her temple, he doesn’t drop it from his grip altogether though, and they’re all well aware of that as they watch him take a few steps to the side until they’re all almost forming a sort of triangle. Cheryl feels herself release a breath at the fact Toni’s life was no longer in direct threat. There was still danger here, heavy amounts of it, and she wasn’t stupid the tension in the room was suffocating, but she hoped, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>prayed,</span>
  </em>
  <span> that the Ghoulie leaders actions were a sign that he was willing to at least humour them, and thus more time was bought for Veronica and the others to find and rescue the children. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The only thing there is to sort out is for </span>
  <em>
    <span>Queenie</span>
  </em>
  <span> here,” all of them flinch as Malachai gestures towards Toni, using the gun to do so, “accepting my terms. It’s that simple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know that’s not gonna happen. It’s too much.” Cheryl feels her breath hitch at the strength in Toni’s voice, the way her eyes blaze with defiance, the way that even now, even like this, bound to a chair and in copious amounts of danger, even though Cheryl could see the well disguised glint of fear in her eye, Toni wasn’t giving in. Toni wasn’t backing down. She wasn't going to let him win.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then snake, you know what’s going to happen.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni’s eyes meet Cheryl’s, eyebrows furrowed, sending her a silent question across the room, a silent plea, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please tell me you have a plan?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cheryl sends her a subtle, singular nod and she can almost see the relief spread across Toni’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had a plan, they just had to keep Malachai talking and </span>
  <em>
    <span>sane</span>
  </em>
  <span> long enough to get the children safe and then they could focus on freeing Toni. Cheryl just needed her phone to chime, just needed to hear that singular incoming text notification from Veronica and they could take Malachai down and take Toni far, far away from here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And at some point in the meantime they needed to get that gun out of his hand and his focus away from whatever sinister thoughts were currently rife in his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just tell us why. Tell us why the kids, why here, why all this?” Looks like Sweet Pea had a similar thought to her own, </span>
  <em>
    <span>keep him talking.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Malachai scoffs but begins to pace, it wasn’t ideal but at least his focus was away from Toni, at least his focus wasn’t on the gun still clutched in his grip. “As I told Topaz here, it’s all business. If </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span> hadn’t removed drugs from the Southside, if </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span> hadn’t forced us to stop dealing as we were, if </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span> hadn’t made it so hard to do business, then I wouldn’t have had to do what I have. Any guesses as to who that </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span> is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And suddenly he’s stopped pacing and he’s once again stood directly next to Toni, leaning down so his face is level with hers, and Toni fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>whimpers,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and Cheryl is seeing red and scrambling to get his attention away from Toni, to get his focus on anything other than the woman her heart yearns for, </span>
  <em>
    <span>begs for.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what-” Cheryl tries to keep her voice even as his beady eyes snap to focus on her, </span>
  <em>
    <span>as long as they weren’t on Toni,</span>
  </em>
  <span> “you produce drugs here in secret, steal the kids and force them to </span>
  <em>
    <span>deal them</span>
  </em>
  <span> and rake in the takings?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Malachai stands, sneering at her and Cheryl has to fight every instinct inside her to back away from his gaze, “looks like Blossom has it all figured out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fangs scoffs, “you sick bastard, they’re just kids!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all soon regret it though as Malachai reaches out towards Toni, gripping her hair painfully in his fist and wrenching her head back once again. Cheryl feels tears run down her face as she watches Toni desperately trying to squirm out of his clutches but to no avail. God please let the others be close to rescuing the children, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please let her phone chime soon.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay,” Cheryl doesn’t even try to keep the desperation and air of sheer </span>
  <em>
    <span>pleading</span>
  </em>
  <span> from her tone, “okay, Fangs shouldn’t have said that, but please, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Malachai please,</span>
  </em>
  <span> let us figure something out with you, let’s come to an agreement.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He releases Toni’s head, stepping towards them and Cheryl can hear the sighs of relief from the others as his attention focuses on them. She panics slightly at the fact that Malachai now stands directly between them and Toni, at the fact that the most psychotic person she’s ever known is currently standing in between Cheryl and the love of her life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But before anyone speaks a noise echoes around the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A chime. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A chime from Cheryl’s phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A chime alerting her to an incoming message.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They’d done it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d gotten the children safe and out of harm's way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that?” Malachai must sense something has shifted from the way Cheryl and the others nod at each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That</span>
  </em>
  <span> you ghoul, was a message. A message from Veronica letting me know that the others have found the children you </span>
  <em>
    <span>stole</span>
  </em>
  <span> and taken them to safety</span>
  <em>
    <span>,</span>
  </em>
  <span> a message letting me know that you’ve just lost your bartering chips, a message letting me know that Sheriff Thompson is standing right outside, waiting for no one other than </span>
  <em>
    <span>you,</span>
  </em>
  <span> to take you away to rot in a cell for what you’ve done.” Cheryl knows the victory isn’t theirs yet, they still need to free Toni, but gosh it feels so close. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lest, it does for a split second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because it’s in that split second that Malachai has raced to stand behind Toni once more, the gun once again pressed roughly against her temple, more tears streaming down her face as she’s left unable to move away from the precarious edge between life and death she finds herself on once again as Malachai’s face contorts in rage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly they’re all talking at once, Cheryl releasing a choked sob of, “Toni,” whilst the boys are voicing pleads for the Ghoulie leader to let Toni go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni is crying silently, her eyes glued to Cheryl, knowing that if these are her last moments left on this earth there’s no other sight she’d want to be looking at. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up,” Malachai’s voice roars, silencing them all. They can see his eyes beginning to glaze, the gears beginning to grind in his head. He’d just lost his business, his bartering chips, he’d been found out and he was going to jail for a very long time, and there was nowhere for him to run, no way out of it. And the only thing that stood between him and his fate was Toni. And in his deranged mind it was Toni who had caused this. Toni who had made him resort to this in the first place. Toni who had made him agree to that deal two years ago and ruined everything, and then ruined it once again now when she’d come interfering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni, whose life currently sat in the palm of his hand. Each of them knowing as much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl takes a tentative step forward, her voice as calm and soothing as she could muster, “Malachai, it doesn’t have to be like this, you don’t want to hurt her, you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Ghoulie leader roars, his voice spitting with a desperate anger, “you don’t know what I want! You know nothing. This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span> fault,” Toni sobs as the pressure against her temple increases, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“she</span>
  </em>
  <span> caused this, </span>
  <em>
    <span>she</span>
  </em>
  <span> drove me to this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Archie speaks up, his voice tentative and gentle, desperately trying to calm him, “okay, okay, let’s just breathe for a second. We can talk about this, we can come to an agreement, we can sort out a deal with the Sheriff, it doesn’t have to end this way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Malachai’s face is the picture of unhinged rage as he spits out, “this is </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span> fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then they all hear the unmistakable click as Malachai cocks the gun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toni.” Her name rushes past Cheryl’s lips, a single word filled with so much meaning. So many memories and moments, both in the past and yet to unfold. So many words, both said and yet to say. So many hopes and dreams and </span>
  <em>
    <span>what if’s and maybes and could be’s.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni whimpers, but refuses to tear her eyes away from Cheryl. Cheryl, who was looking right back at her. Cheryl, who broke her heart and yet still owned it. Cheryl, who Toni wished she had more time with. Cheryl, who’s lips Toni yearned to feel against her own one more time, who’s fingers she wished to feel against her skin once more. Cheryl, who she had so many things left to say to, so many moments left to have with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl, who she loved, always had and always would. Cheryl-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A shot is fired.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you liked it, thank you for reading!</p><p>Until next time,</p><p>Luce :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The aftermath of the moment before.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hiiii</p>
<p>Part 6 woo :)</p>
<p>Chapter specific trigger warnings are as follows:</p>
<p>Character death, talk of death, blood, injury, threatning (minor).</p>
<p>I think that's it!</p>
<p>I hope you all enjoy and as I always say your thoughts and comments make my heart happy, plus incase you haven't noticed I've been having fun messing around with you all in the comments and also on my CC, so please feel free to send me your comments :D</p>
<p>Luce :)</p>
<p>Twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Everything happens so suddenly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One moment Cheryl is watching as Malachai’s loading the gun pressed against Toni’s head, tears streaming down both their faces, her mind scrambling, her heart thudding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And the next her thoughts are racing as a shot is fired and glass is shattering and suddenly Malachai is on the floor and there’s blood, </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh god there's so much blood,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and she can see Sheriff Thompson through a shattered window in front of her and she realises he must’ve shot Malachai through it and Cheryl thinks she’s going to be sick and Toni’s sobbing and-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Toni.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni who was alive and breathing, and crying and bleeding and absolutely terrified but alive and breathing and </span>
  <em>
    <span>alive.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl runs to her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She makes it to Toni’s side in a matter of seconds and before her mind has caught up with her body she’s wrapping her arms around Toni and pulling her haphazardly into her arms as best she can from her position still bound to the chair, “you’re okay TT, you’re safe, you’re okay, I’ve got you.” Cheryl doesn’t even recognise the slip of Toni’s old nickname, too busy focusing on saying whatever she can to calm the clearly shaken woman.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stay there for a moment, Cheryl watching Archie and Sweet Pea tentatively stepping towards Malachai’s now unmoving body as Toni leans heavily against her chest, sobbing and gasping for breath, and Cheryl can’t find it in herself to care that there’s now blood on one of her favourite blouses. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wait, blood, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Toni’s blood. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni’s blood from injuries that need tending to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They need to get her freed and the hell out of here. They need to make sure she’s okay and then Cheryl needs to take her home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The redhead pulls back slightly, not missing the whimper that escapes Toni’s lips, and crouches down, reaching her hand to cup the terrified woman’s cheek gently in order to try and focus her panicking mind and give her something to cling to in order to ground her amidst the chaos. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wide eyes meet Cheryl’s own and she speaks as soothingly as she can muster, “let’s get you free and take you home.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni simply offers an exhausted nod and Cheryl moves behind her to try and undo the bindings holding her to the chair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A moment later, a hand comes to rest on top of her own trembling ones and Cheryl looks up to see Fangs smiling down at her sympathetically, “here, let me.” His voice is gentle as he kneels down beside her and Cheryl nods, not trusting herself to speak. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Toni, I’m gonna need you to stay as still as you can okay, I’m gonna cut these ropes.” He speaks gently, not wanting to startle her any further and only then does Cheryl realise that Fangs has picked up the knife they’d seen disregarded on the floor when they’d first raced into the room. The same knife that Cheryl just </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> had been used to threaten Toni in some way or another. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh god.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cheryl couldn’t wait to get her out of here, to get Toni home and wrapped up safe in her arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni mumbles a quiet, “okay,” and soon Fangs is making quick work of cutting her bindings, Cheryl frowning as she takes note of the way the rope has rubbed Toni’s wrists red raw. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The second the rope is free from around her wrists, arms and legs and Toni is no longer bound to the chair, Cheryl’s standing, moving in front of her to gently pull her up before wrapping her arms around her, one around her waist and one holding the back of her head, cradling the crying woman into her chest. Toni’s weak on her shaking legs and so Cheryl finds herself practically holding the smaller woman up, desperately wishing there was more she could do to help soothe her, to help remove her fear and memories of today that she knows are going to stay with Toni for a long time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stay like that for a while, Toni held protectively in Cheryl’s arms even as Sheriff Thompson appears in the doorway with two of his deputies to assess the situation and begin to process Malachai’s body. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was all so fucked up. This situation, this </span>
  <em>
    <span>town.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It was all so messed up and Cheryl still couldn’t quite believe it had happened. But then again, when she casts her mind back over everything they’d endured, </span>
  <em>
    <span>she’d</span>
  </em>
  <span> endured, over the years, she supposes this was just yet another addition to the long list of horrors encased within this town.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She notices Sheriff Thompson talking to Archie and Sweet Pea as well as Fangs, who had joined them across the room, but all Cheryl can focus on is doing her best to comfort Toni, cooing to her gently as she holds her close, pressing gentle kisses to the top of her head. She knows she’s probably crossing some unknown line, that cradling Toni against her like she used to do before everything happened was probably not the most sensible of moves, but right now Toni needed comfort, needed </span>
  <em>
    <span>her.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Besides, the last two years be damned, she’d just been moments away from losing Toni forever, to hell was she going to waste another second.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sweet Pea approaches them cautiously and informs Cheryl that they all need to leave the room so that Malachai’s body can be attended to and processed. That, and they should get Toni as far away from here as possible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl nods at him, sending him a small smile as he places a supportive hand on her shoulder squeezing it reassuringly. She watches as his eyes move to Toni, taking in how she was trying to bury herself as close as possible into Cheryl’s chest, the cuts on her face, the trembles running through her body. Sweet Pea sighs heavily shaking his head, Toni didn’t deserve this, well not that </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone</span>
  </em>
  <span> deserved to go through what she just had, but Toni, after everything, after all she’d endured and tried to do for this town, it just wasn’t right.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He gives Cheryl’s shoulder another squeeze before he’s making his way to the doorway, the redhead taking note that Archie and Fangs had already left. She looks down to Toni, moving the hand holding the back smaller woman’s head gently to run soothingly through her braids, knowing that it used to bring her comfort and so hoping it would do the same for her now. “Toni darling,” her voice is barely above a whisper, desperately trying not to startle her, “we need to go. We’re gonna get you out of here and then I’m going to take you home okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni simply nods against her chest, and Cheryl loosens her hold so she can begin to guide the trembling woman out of the room, however before she can, Toni’s voice reaches her ears, it’s small and wavering and fuck Cheryl’s only ever seen her this vulnerable once before, and it’s not a moment she wants to be reminded of. “Wait the Serpents-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of course Toni was thinking about them, of course even now, Toni was still thinking of others. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl cuts her off gently, “were a distraction to make sure all the Ghoulies left here so we could get to you without a fight. They left the second Reggie told them the children had been found.” Too exhausted to think any further on it, Toni seemingly accepts Cheryl’s response and sighs a quiet, “okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on you, let’s get out of here.” Cheryl glances over to where two deputies were now manoeuvring Malachai’s body into a body bag and shakes her head somberly. She wishes it hadn’t ended like this, she wishes everyone was leaving this room alive. But then again, Malachai had threatened Toni’s life more than once tonight, and she knows she’s thankful that the need for a body bag wasn’t because of her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Does that make her a terrible person? To be thankful that one person has lost their life in place of another? Cheryl supposed it must, but right now she can’t bring herself to care, she can’t bring herself to think about anything other than the fact Toni was alive and breathing and Cheryl needed to get her out of here to safety. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The redhead keeps Toni’s head tucked into her shoulder, not wanting her to catch sight of what was happening just the other side of the chair, and takes a step forward, urging Toni with her so they can make their way outside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni takes a step but stumbles - lest she would have were not for Cheryl’s arms around her waist holding her into her body - her legs too weak, her body too shaken up, her mind too exhausted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck it,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cheryl thinks, before she’s bending down slightly to hook her arm under Toni’s legs and picking her up in a bridal carry. The smaller girl releases a gasp at the feeling of being picked up, but makes no protest to Cheryl’s actions, instead nestling into her hold and resting her head upon the taller woman’s shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Cheryl makes it outside she takes note of the darkness and realises that although they’d arrived in the evening hours, it must be well into the night by now. She sees the others grouped together in the middle of the lot conversing, each of their faces filled with worry and concern. The second they see her they’re all rushing over, everyone concerned for Toni’s well-being. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tabitha’s voice reaches her ears first, “is-is she okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl looks at each of them, their eyes wide, brows furrowed, before sighing, “she will be.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s aware that they’re talking about Toni as if she isn’t currently cradled in Cheryl’s arms, but at this point she doubts if Toni has any energy left to have this conversation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They make their way over to their cars and Cheryl whispers to the woman cradled against her chest as they reach them, “I’m going to put you down okay?” Toni nods but whimpers at the loss of Cheryl’s arms around her as her feet come into contact with the concreted ground. Almost instantly she’s reaching out for Cheryl, pressing herself into her side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni knows that she probably shouldn’t, she is all too aware of what happened between them, all to aware that Cheryl being here now doesn’t erase the past, but right now she can’t bring herself to care. Right now, in this moment, Toni needs to be held, she needs to feel the arms that she’s spent the last two years dreaming about, holding her close like they used to, protecting her and keeping her safe. Cheryl was, </span>
  <em>
    <span>is,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Toni’s home, her safety, and right now all the Serpent Queen can think about is having that feeling back once again, if even just for a moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Reggie’s voice addressing her pulls her from her thoughts, “T, </span>
  <em>
    <span>god T,</span>
  </em>
  <span> you look, are you okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni hadn’t yet cast a thought to her appearance, her mind consumed with everything else happening, but she thinks of the blood that must have left various trails down her face and the obvious tear tracks on her cheeks, gosh she must look a state. “I’m alright Reg, I just want to get out of here.” She mentally curses herself for how weak her voice sounds, she’s supposed to be the Serpent Queen, she’s Toni Topaz, she doesn’t do weak, but then again she wasn’t supposed to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared</span>
  </em>
  <span> either and she’d spent the best part of the day terrified. She supposes that after all she’d been through today, after the time she’d spent precariously balancing on the tightrope between life and death, after her work had been completed and the kids safe, perhaps she was allowed to drop her guard, perhaps she could allow her true feelings to come flooding through.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wait, </span>
  <em>
    <span>the kids.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are-are the kids alright? Are they safe? A-are-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Veronica cuts off her panic, her vice soothing, as everyones seemed to be towards her, “they’re alright Toni, a couple of them had a few scrapes and they were understandably shaken up, but they’re alright. A few deputies took them back to the Sheriff’s office to sort everything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni nods, breathing a sigh of relief, “how, how many were there?” By her calculations there should’ve been ten of them, tomorrow would have made eleven, thankfully that would never happen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ten,” Kevin speaks up, “they were all there, Ben, Hannah, Ash, Charlie, and the others. All of them are safe now. They’re alright Toni, we promise. You did it, you found them.” At that, he reaches out to gently place a hand on her arm, giving it a gentle squeeze, smiling at her, “you did it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni shakes her head slightly as Kevin drops his hand, “no, no it wasn’t just me, it was all of you too, I couldn’t have done it without you, so thank you all, truly.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before she can say anymore Toni feels her knee buckle, and Cheryl tightens her hold around Toni, keeping her standing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The concern in Fangs’ voice is blatant, “T, we should really get you to a hospital, you need to get checked out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shakes her head, “no, no hospital, I just wanna get away from here, I just wanna go home.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But your injuries, your head-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Betty begins to protest, but Toni shakes her head once more, “they look worse than they are I promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Archie speaks up then, “Toni that head wound looks nasty, you might have a concussion, I really think-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl cuts him off, “I’m going to take her back to Thistlehouse with me, I’ll look after her, she’s in safe hands, I promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The group share looks amongst them and silently agree that Toni going back with Cheryl was acceptable. Sweet Pea nods, seemingly speaking for all of them ”alright, but if anything happens, if you need anything, you call one of us straight away okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The redhead nods, “I will, I promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Archie sighs, “come one, I’ll drive you back to Thistlehouse,” Cheryl smiles appreciatively as he turns to Betty, who would presumably also be coming with them considering she and Archie lived together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The group share their goodbyes and Cheryl once again promises to call them if she or Toni needs anything, and Toni is thanking them all one last time before splitting off to head their separate ways. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl looks down at Toni and before her brain registers what she’s doing she’s lifting her hand to gently wipe away the remnants of her tears softly with the pad of her thumb. Her mind catches up with her halfway through the action and she becomes all too aware that both of them have stopped breathing. For a moment neither of them moves, but then Toni’s tilting her head slightly to rest her cheek into the palm of Cheryl’s hand and </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span> she wants to cry at the sheer elation she’s feeling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl vows that for as long as she lives she’ll never forget this tender moment between them, never forget the way Toni’s cheek still fits so perfectly against her palm, never forget the way her skin still feels so soft against her fingers, never forget how this moment feels almost like Toni’s silently speaking to her, telling her so many things she didn’t yet have the words to say, her heart calling out across the great divide between them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The great divide that feels like it’s closing, slowly but surely, bonds repairing, trust rebuilding, hearts healing, souls rekindling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl almost doesn’t want to speak, doesn’t want to move, to </span>
  <em>
    <span>breathe,</span>
  </em>
  <span> for knowledge that the second she does this moment, this tiny shred of hope will end. But she knows she has to get Toni away from this hellhole and cleaned up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She tenderly traces her thumb over the soft skin of Toni’s cheek before gently guiding her to look up at her, smiling slightly as brown eyes meet her own. She speaks softly, not wanting to break the delicate moment, “come on TT, let’s get you home.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading :D</p>
<p>A small heads up that this is the end of the rough chapters and angsty angst, from here on out I'm trying to win all of your trust back!</p>
<p>Luce :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Shining just for you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cheryl takes Toni back to Thistlehouse to take care of her after the nights events - things ensue.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hiiii :)</p><p>Part 7 is here woo - it's 7.8k words long, so enjoy that!<br/>Next chapter is the last one boooo :(</p><p>Chapter specific trigger warnings are minor but I'll say just incase:</p><p>Blood / mention of blood, injury / mention of injury, mention of gun / use of gun (minor), swearing (minor)</p><p>I think that's it, it's basically comments about stuff that's already happened, so yeah! - lotsssss of cute moments too though, so you're welcome :D</p><p>Hope you enjoy and as always you know I love a comment and to hear your thoughts (or CC's which I've been getting a lot of so that's cool hello! )</p><p>Luce :)</p><p>Twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Toni’s asleep by the time they reach Thistlehouse, curled tightly into her side in the back of Archie’s truck with her head resting on Cheryl's shoulder. The redhead had welcomed Toni into her arms the second they’d gotten into the truck and she’d fallen asleep about halfway home, obviously exhausted from the night's turn of events. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl looks down at her with a soft smile on her face, the smaller woman looks so peaceful and she wishes that she could allow her that for a few moments more. She knows however, that she needs to get Toni inside and cleaned up, and so she regrettably shifts to cup her cheek gently, tracing her fingers over her soft skin soothingly and speaking in a hushed murmur, “Toni sweetheart, it’s time to wake up. We’re here darling.” The terms of endearment slip out before Cheryl can stop them, but if she’s honest she can’t find it in herself to care. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni startles awake, still on edge from all that she’d endured that night, and Cheryl feels guilty, despite knowing she couldn’t have been any gentler with her. The Serpent Queen pulls back slightly looking up at her with wide eyes and a furrowed brow, her voice small, “Cher?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl’s heart jolts. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cher.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It’d been two years since she’d heard that name, and gosh it was like music to her ears. She tries not to get caught up on it, Toni was probably just sleepy and not thinking properly, she didn’t mean it, it was a slip of the tongue, but god did Cheryl relish in hearing her say it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re here, c’mon let’s get you inside and cleaned up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If she’s completely honest Toni isn’t exactly sure where they are, her mind in too much of a haze to focus on anything in particular since Cheryl had carried her out of that basement. She still can’t believe she’d done that, lifted her up into her arms like she weighed nothing, cradling her close and protectively as she carried her up the stairs and away from the horrors that had unfolded in that room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not only had it left Toni wondering when Cheryl had gotten so </span>
  <em>
    <span>damn strong</span>
  </em>
  <span> to carry her like that for so long</span>
  <em>
    <span>,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but it had also reminded her of past moments between them. Cheryl haphazardly attempting to carry her over the threshold of Thistlehouse that first night she’d moved in, late night cuddles and being held in her arms after a particularly bad nightmare, how they’d always yearned for each other’s touch in some way or another, be it holding hands or sitting impossibly close, arms around waists, fingers grazing tenderly over soft skin. She misses it so, and whilst she knows there’s a long, tough road ahead of them, Toni can’t bring herself to care. Right now she needs comfort and security, things that only Cheryl can provide her after tonight’s events and so she’s going to lap up every moment she can. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni’s broken out of her reminiscing when she realises Cheryl’s looking at her expectantly and so she shifts her gaze to the window to work out where they are.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thistlehouse. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Right,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cheryl had said something about bringing her here when she’d refused to go to hospital. She looks back at Cheryl who now has a concerned frown across her brow, “everything okay TT?”</span>
</p><p>How she’d longed to hear herself called that again, but as much as she wishes she could allow herself to, Toni knows she can’t dwell on it and it’s potential meaning, and instead simply nods. Cheryl thanks Archie and Betty for the ride and opens the door, stepping out of the truck before moving to gently guide Toni out too, wrapping her arms around her protectively in order to help support the exhausted woman. </p><p>
  <span>Archie makes her promise to call them if either of them require anything and Cheryl is agreeing and thanking them once again before closing the door and guiding Toni into Thistlehouse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If her return here caused her any discomfort, Toni didn’t make it known, and the taller woman hopes that maybe, </span>
  <em>
    <span>just maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Toni doesn’t feel awkward about being back here, but then again, how could she not? Cheryl slips her sneakers off, she’d thought wearing Loubitans on a rescue mission wasn’t the most sensible of ideas, before she’s crouching down to untie the laces of Toni’s boots and helping her to take them off. </span>
</p><p><span>Standing up, Cheryl takes in Toni’s appearance. She’s obviously shaken, her brow furrowed and her eyes swirling with a mix of emotions, tear tracks streak her cheeks and there’s, </span><em><span>now dry,</span></em><span> blood trailed down her face from varying cuts and a split lip, and not to mention that awful looking gash on her forehead. And yet somehow, in some way that perhaps only Toni Topaz could, she still looks beautiful. Cheryl wonders if it’s wrong for her to think so, if it’s wrong that in spite of everything she’s endured Cheryl still thinks Toni’s the most beautiful person she’s ever seen. Perhaps it is, </span><em><span>god</span></em> <em><span>knows</span></em><span> she should be thinking of other things in this moment, but Cheryl can’t find it in her to feel guilty for thinking so. </span></p><p>
  <span>The Blossom woman reaches her hand out to hover inches away from Toni’s own, speaking in a hushed voice, “lets get those injuries looked at hey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni says nothing but nods and takes Cheryl’s hand, allowing herself to be guided into the kitchen to sit at the island as Cheryl collects the first aid kit and dampens a cloth before coming to stand in front of her, placing them on the marble countertop and taking the things she needs from the kit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni’s head is bowed, and so Cheryl reaches out gingerly to place a hand over the smaller woman’s own resisting the urge to soothe her thumb over the red marks left from the rope, murmuring her name softly, “Toni”.  At Cheryl’s touch she gasps slightly and flinches, the redhead’s heart aching as Toni looks up at her with silent tears dripping down her cheeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh TT,” Cheryl is unable to keep the pity from her voice, in spite of how much she knows Toni hates it. She steps closer and gently pulls the crying woman into her arms, holding her securely, “you’re safe now, I promise, I won’t let anything happen to you, you’re safe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stay like that for a moment, Cheryl hoping to provide even the smallest of comforts to the trembling woman, her heart thudding so loudly in her chest at the feeling of Toni bringing her own arms to wrap around Cheryl’s waist, that she’s almost certain Toni must be able to hear it. She knows that them cuddling in the kitchen is a stark contrast to their conversation in the rain two nights ago, but a part of Cheryl hopes that somehow, if Toni was allowing her to see her like this and letting Cheryl be here for her now, that all is not lost. The redhead continues to coo murmurs of reassurance and after a while Toni’s trembling calms and she’s nodding against Cheryl’s chest, before pulling back slightly, her eyes meeting Cheryl’s “I’m, I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl frowns as she looks down at the woman before her, “Toni whatever for? You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni’s gaze falls to her lap, “b-but I shouldn’t have done what I did. I shouldn’t have gone off on m-my own. I just, I wasn’t thinking right and I couldn’t wait any longer. I-I couldn’t sit around knowing something was gonna happen so I thought I’d go scope out the places we’d thought of and see if I could find anything. Then I got to the truck stop and I was looking around and suddenly s-someone was behind me and next thing I knew I-I woke up in that room a-and-” Toni’s voice is trembling as she rambles, fresh tears beginning to roll down her cheeks, and so Cheryl shushes her gently and pulls her back in close to her chest, cupping the back of her head to hold her protectively into her body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toni, it’s okay. We all understand why you did it, and I’d be lying if I said you didn’t scare me-</span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone</span>
  </em>
  <span> shitless, but we found you, and you found the children, and you’re all safe now and that’s all that matters okay? You’re safe, you’re okay, and that’s all that’s important. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pained brown eyes look up to meet Cheryl’s own, searching for any hint of dishonesty, the Serpent Queen releasing a sigh when none is found, “o-okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get you cleaned up hmm?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni nods and drops her arms from around Cheryl’s waist, and the taller girl feels herself missing the contact almost instantly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl reaches for the cloth she’d dampened, gently placing two fingers under Toni’s chin and tilting her head slightly upwards, “I’m going to clear off the blood and everything from your face so I can see if anything other than that cut on your forehead needs attending to okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni whispers, “okay,” in response and a quiet falls over them as Cheryl begins to delicately wipe the cloth against Toni’s skin, gently clearing away the blood and tears until her face is clear again, well, save for the cuts on her cheek and nose, and her split lip, and that gash on her forehead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tosses the now dirty cloth onto the countertop and turns her attention back to Toni. Cheryl can tell that she’s lost in her thoughts and so ducks her head down to make eye contact with her. “You’re all clean again but I need to sort out these cuts.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The smaller woman nods and so Cheryl reaches for the alcoholic wipes on the island counter, she knows what she was about to have to do would cause Toni pain, but she also knew that the cuts needed to be cleaned, especially as they both knew Malachai was not the most hygienic of people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tearing open the packet and retrieving the wipe, Cheryl turns back to Toni, “this is probably going to sting a bit, but I need to make sure they’re clean.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni sucks in a breath before releasing it heavily and looking up at Cheryl her voice quiet, subdued almost, “o-okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pale fingers find their way once again underneath Toni’s chin, tilting her face up slightly, but as Cheryl lifts the wipe towards the cut on Toni’s cheek, she pauses. She couldn’t do it. “I- I don’t want to hurt you Toni,” her voice is uncharacteristically timid and laced with apprehension at causing Toni pain, she’d already caused her more than enough for a lifetime.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni lifts her hand, gently wrapping it around Cheryl’s forearm, “it’s okay Cher, I-I trust you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl’s heart skyrockets. Not only had she used the nickname that never failed to make her heart flutter, but Toni </span>
  <em>
    <span>trusts</span>
  </em>
  <span> her? After everything, after all she’d done, after all that she’d caused, in spite of how difficult Toni finds it to trust people in the first place plus everything else that’d transpired between them, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Toni trusts her? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Unable to make her scrambling mind come up with an adequate response, Cheryl nods a breathy “okay,” and Toni removes her hand from Cheryl’s forearm, placing it back in her lap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The taller woman waits for a second more, giving Toni a final chance to back out, before she’s pressing the wipe to Toni’s cheek, wincing as she hisses in pain as the alcohol makes contact with the cut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Cheryl’s voice is laced with sympathy as Toni squeezes her eyes closed, a tear falling down her cheek as the redhead moves to attend to the cut on her nose. It’s a tender moment between the two of them, Cheryl tending to Toni’s wounds and trying to ignore the way her heart bursts at the thought that Toni trusted her enough to do so. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon they’ve all been cleaned and Cheryl is assessing the severity of the damage done, “well I don’t think the smaller ones need anything more, but this gash on your forehead is rather nasty.” Cheryl’s fingers are softly tracing the skin to the side of the wound before she can stop herself, “I have some butterfly strips that I think will do the trick?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni, now calmed from the initial sting of Cheryl first cleaning her wounds, voices a soft agreement and so Cheryl rifles through the first aid kit to find them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The smaller woman sits patiently as the redhead carefully places the strips over the gash and tries not to notice how close their faces are. She tries not to think about how she can feel Cheryl’s breath on her face, and how her heart had been pounding at their closeness during her attending to her wounds. Toni tries not to think about how easy it would be to close the gap between them, how with one small movement she could once again have the feeling of Cheryl’s lips against her own again. How with one small moment she could make reality of a feeling she’d been thinking about for the last two years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni knows she shouldn’t be thinking like this, Cheryl had hurt her, caused her pain and broken her heart, </span>
  <em>
    <span>left her,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but she finds that she can’t help herself. Ever since Toni had laid her eyes upon Cheryl at Pops three weeks ago it was like she’d been transported back to their high school days. For the last three weeks Toni has had to fight to keep a handle on herself every time she was around Cheryl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t lying when she’d told her in the rain how badly Cheryl had hurt her, but then again she also hadn’t been lying when she’d told her that her heart was still in Cheryl’s ownership, as much as Toni didn’t want it to be; she was helpless to the fact. But then again, if she’s honest with herself, over these last few weeks, and especially tonight, Toni had found herself unable to feel like that, unable to convince herself that she didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> her heart to still be Cheryl’s, because it wasn’t true. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> want her heart in Cheryl’s hands, just like she yearned to have Cheryl’s heart back in hers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Little did she know that the woman in front of her felt the same, little did she know that Cheryl’s heart had never left her ownership, not for even the smallest of moments. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Toni’s realised, too lost in her thoughts, Cheryl has cleared away the first aid kit and is now standing in front of her holding a glass of water and two painkillers, speaking softly, “I thought they might help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni shakes her thoughts from her head and takes the pills and water gratefully, “thank you,” her voice raspy from her sheer exhaustion after the day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Serpent Queen, too busy focused on taking the painkillers, doesn’t notice the way Cheryl’s breath hitches in her throat or the way her eyes widen. She doesn’t see the blush beginning to bloom across pale cheeks or the way plump plus part ever so slightly. The rasp in Toni’s voice had always been a weakness of Cheryl’s, a weakness that was apparently still as prominent now as it had been two years ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl’s brought from her thoughts as Toni places the glass on the countertop and yawns, casting her eyes to the clock on the oven she realises just how late it is, or technically early considering it’s 1:13am. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking back to Toni, Cheryl’s gaze falls to her hands, or more the red marks around her wrists left behind from Toni struggling against the rope tied around them. Her heart aches when she thinks of everything Toni had been put through that night, the way she’d been treated, the marks left behind from rope that should have never been round them in the first place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl reaches her hand towards Toni’s own, hesitating slightly just before their skin touches, in order to give the Serpent Queen, who’s eyes were following the movement of Cheryl’s hand, a chance to stop her. When she doesn’t, Cheryl lifts Toni’s hand into her own, cradling it gently, rubbing the pad of her thumb just below the red marks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the sensation of Cheryl’s thumb tenderly gliding over her skin, Toni’s breath hitches and she looks up at the woman standing in front of her through her eyelashes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl’s eyes raise to meet hers and suddenly the air is shifting, a tension taking root. Their faces are close, so close in fact that Cheryl can feel Toni’s soft breaths against her skin, and her lips are slightly parted and gosh she knows it’s not the right moment but </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> she wants to close the space between them and capture Toni’s lips with her own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the thing is, Cheryl gets the feeling that she’s not the only one whose mind is having these thoughts, especially when she watches Toni’s eyes flicker to her lips quickly before hurriedly moving back up to meet her eyes once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whilst she knows her and Toni had been rather intimate since she’d rescued her, considering everything between them, and much as she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants to,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cheryl knows that acting on any desires right now would be too soon. No matter how badly she yearns to press their lips together, Cheryl, and seemingly Toni too considering the way she’s refrained from closing the space herself, knew that it would only serve to cause them more trouble later. It would complicate things, and quite frankly things were already complicated enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni looks away and the moment is broken, but Cheryl notes the air between them hasn’t turned awkward, it’s simply as if the moment has passed. She returns her gaze to Toni’s hand, still encased delicately in her own. Running her thumb over Toni’s wrist once more, a frown forms on her brow and Cheryl speaks, her voice troubled but also filled with as much sympathy she could muster - not </span>
  <em>
    <span>pity</span>
  </em>
  <span> though, Toni hated being pitied - “I, I’m sorry this happened to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni doesn’t respond but Cheryl feels her heart plummet as she sees tears rolling down the smaller woman’s cheeks, her lip trembling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey,” she pulls Toni into her gently, unable to bear the sight of the woman who holds her heart crying, “it’s okay Toni, you’re okay, you’re safe and the children are safe and right now that’s all that’s important okay?” Toni nods against her chest and they stay there for a moment until the trembling woman calms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl knows they have a lot to talk about, she’s more than aware that had it not been for tonight’s events, the two of them wouldn’t be having any of this contact or these moments, or be anywhere as close as they were right now. But in spite of knowing all this, Cheryl recognises that she has the opportunity to help Toni, to care for her and perhaps make her see that Cheryl’s heart still, and always has belonged to her. That, and she was going to lap up every opportunity she had to be close to Toni again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d nearly lost Toni today, nearly bared witness to losing the love of her life, and Cheryl will be damned if she doesn’t take this opportunity to begin to fix things between them. She knows it’s going to be tough and it’s going to take work, it’s going to be a long road to get back to where they used to be and she’s painfully aware that things between them can’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>begin</span>
  </em>
  <span> to heal until Toni knows the truth about what happened in the past with Penelope. But standing here in the kitchen, with Toni cradled in her arms, Cheryl knows that this, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Toni,</span>
  </em>
  <span> isn’t something she’s ready to let go of again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl knows that she isn’t ready for this to become just a moment between them, she wants this to be their new beginning, their fresh start. If Toni will have her of course. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then again, the things Toni had said, the way the smaller woman welcomed Cheryl’s touch and sought her out for safety and protection, said she </span>
  <em>
    <span>trusted</span>
  </em>
  <span> her, what she’d said to Cheryl in the rain two days ago about her heart still belonging to Cheryl, it all gave her hope.The pessimist in Cheryl nags that it was all during the heat of the moment, but Cheryl’s heart desperately clings to the hope blooming, and that instead they were all signs that perhaps Toni might want to fix things as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl breaks their quiet moment, pulling back from Toni slightly to tuck a loose braid behind her ear, her voice soft, “why don’t we head up to bed darling?” Toni’s tired eyes meet her own and she nods, standing as the taller woman releases her hold around her, she’d be lying if she said she didn’t miss the contact. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, Toni timidly reaches out to clasp her small hand in Cheryl’s. The redhead’s heart races not only at the fact Toni had sought out and initiated the contact of her own accord, but also the way she’d looked up at Cheryl as she did so, the glint of trust, of </span>
  <em>
    <span>hope</span>
  </em>
  <span> in her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unable to form anything coherent, Cheryl simply guides Toni out of the kitchen, turning off the lights as she does, and towards the stairs. It’s only as they’re ascending them does Cheryl think about their sleeping arrangements. She doesn’t quite know why, but all of a sudden she begins to feel nervous, “I, uhh, I always keep a spare room made up just in case, so, uhh…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She trails off but Toni simply gives her hand a squeeze, “it sounds perfect Cher.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her heart jolts, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Cher,’</span>
  </em>
  <span> oh how she’d missed hearing that. It wasn't the first time Toni had called her Cher that night, but each time she did, the slither of hope in Cheryl’s heart bloomed evermore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They reach the top of the stairs and Cheryl leads Toni down the hall and into one of the spare rooms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except it’s only when she hears Toni gasp quietly does she realise exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>which</span>
  </em>
  <span> spare room they were in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This used to be Toni’s room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whilst it had a bed and could serve as a bedroom, this hadn’t been her room as in to sleep in, they’d shared a bedroom, of course, but this was the room given to Toni as part of Cheryl’s attempts to make her feel more at home after their week-long breakup back in high school. The room Toni had decorated to her taste and used for her photography, alongside extra storage for her belongings and more general work space, the room Toni had used as a place to escape to when she felt the need to have some </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span> time and to breathe, the place where Cheryl would find her sprawled out across the floor whilst she hummed to music editing pictures or lounging on the bed gaming with the boys. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl’s determined not to allow anything to derail their newfound connection and so before a tension can even begin to form, she’s gently squeezing Toni’s hand to get her attention, “I’m gonna go grab some clothes for you to sleep in, I’ll be right back okay?” Toni nods and so Cheryl releases her hand and steps out the room, leaving Toni alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Cheryl leaves, Toni takes a moment to cast her eyes around the room. It was exactly as she’d left it, minus her possessions of course, Veronica had collected the things she’d not taken to Highsmith for her one afternoon during the summer after graduation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In truth, Veronica had done a lot for her over the years, not only been there for her and helped her mend her heart, but the Lodge heiress has also become a close friend to Toni. Perhaps she could see Toni needed someone, after the main person in her life had left, but nevertheless Veronica had been there for her through it all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d helped her through the worst days, showing up to make sure Toni got out of bed and ate and all that general self care stuff that one tends to stop giving a shit about when someone shatters your heart. She’d played the dutiful messenger with the others, informing them of all the need to know information regarding the breakup so Toni didn’t have to keep painfully repeating the story, which indirectly had helped her find a place to live with Fangs and Kevin, the both of them not in a full blown relationship yet and needing a third roommate for their apartment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Veronica had offered her and the Serpents the security job at each of the Pop’s/La Bonne Nuit’s the second she’d become Serpent Queen, and had also been the one to help her realise her calling for social work after a deep conversation one night during a sleepover. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Veronica had been there through it all, and now she’d been there on the night that Toni had nearly lost her life at the hands of Malachai. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck today had been a mess. She supposes there had been good come from it in the fact that the children were safe and returned to their families, but god Toni couldn’t stop her hands from shaking. She couldn’t stop her mind from replaying visions of Malachai pointing that gun at her on repeat. She couldn’t stop remembering the feeling of being terrified and utterly helpless. She couldn’t forget the feeling of being trapped whilst he had a gun against her temple. She couldn’t stop the memories of how Cheryl had looked at her in that basement with tear filled and terrified eyes. She couldn’t stop thinking of how her last thoughts were to be Cheryl, her final seconds on this earth she’d chosen to devote to the woman her heart belonged to. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Cheryl. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl who’d run to her the second she had the chance and held her protectively in her arms. Cheryl, who’d carried her out to safety and not let go of her since. Cheryl who she’d latched onto the second she could, her mind acknowledging her as her safe place, her protector, the person she could trust, even in spite of everything between them. Cheryl, who had brought her to Thistlehouse without a second thought to look after her and make sure she was alright. Cheryl, who delicately and dutifully tended to her wounds and tenderly soothed her in a soft voice, calling her ‘TT’ and terms of endearment like the old days that made her heart burst even amidst all the panic coursing through her mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl, who her heart still yearned for, even after all this time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gosh it felt weird being back here. In truth, Toni couldn’t remember the last time she’d been here, considering she hadn’t come back after graduation. She thinks perhaps it had been the spring break of their final year, making it over two years ago. It felt as if everything was different and yet at the same time nothing had changed. It was still the same house, and it looked exactly the same as it had when she’d called this place home, except this wasn’t her home anymore and nor her or her possessions resided here, and Toni definitely wasn’t the same person as she’d been back then, and neither was Cheryl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni moves to sit on the bed, exhaustion taking over her as the adrenaline of everything begins to dissipate. As she sits on the edge of it, she glances around the room again, her eyes catching something in their periphery. Well, five things to be precise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There, hung on the wall, by her own hand in fact, were five images. Five photographs that she’d taken and Cheryl had deemed too impressive not to process and hang up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first was an overview of the town, lights glowing against the dusk, taken one evening when her and Cheryl had gone up to lookout point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The second was of Cheryl herself, taken from behind without her knowledge, Sweetwater river in the background as the sun made Cheryl’s hair shine beautifully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The third photograph was of Pop’s, all lit up and alive with activity as the sun set behind it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fourth was a simple black and white image of Santa Monica Pier and the beach, taken during one of their infamous road trips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the fifth, well the fifth made Toni’s heart ache. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a picture of her and Cheryl, her most favourite one of them, in truth. They’d been decorating the Christmas tree and Toni had decided to turn it into a miniature photo shoot of the decor, which had then ended up developing into a photoshoot of them thanks to the self timer. They were standing in front of the fire by the Christmas tree, Cheryl standing behind Toni with her arms wrapped tightly around her as the smaller girl stood on her tiptoes, her hand fisting Cheryl’s top in her grip as she leaned up to kiss her, both of them laughing into the kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was picture perfect, even despite the fact that it wasn’t technically perfect, the lights from the tree causing it to become off focus in the background and the fire causing the lighting to shift slightly, warming them, but to Toni, that’s what made the picture so perfect. Because those two technical imperfections caused the pair of them to stand out somewhat against the softly blurred background and the dimmed light added this feel of coziness and even in spite of all that, it was perfect because it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>real.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It wasn't posed or staged, it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>them,</span>
  </em>
  <span> cuddled together, messing around and laughing and </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni reaches up to wipe a tear from her cheek the same time that a knock sounds gently against the door. She doesn’t see Cheryl enter the room but she hears the soft padding of her feet against the floor and soon she’s taking a seat beside her on the bed, following Toni’s eye line to look at the photograph. Her heart aches as she hears Cheryl mumble sincerely, “that’s always been my favourite picture of us.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni sighs, “I know, it’s mine too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>———-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl leaves Toni standing in the middle of the room as she pulls the door to and makes her way down the hall to her bedroom, sighing heavily as she enters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She heads into the bathroom first, wanting to wash her face and hope that she could somehow wash away the horrors of the day down the sink too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once she’s done, Cheryl makes her way out of the en suite and is about to retrieve some sleepwear for both herself and Toni from her wardrobe when her eyes land on the window seat, the space in which Toni’s stuffed bunny used to sit but has long since been rendered barren.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl sighs, Toni’s mark used to be all over the house, and then one day it wasn’t anymore. Except it still was somehow, it was just that instead of Cheryl being reminded of her through the things of hers scattered throughout the house, she was reminded of her through the empty spaces they left behind. Her brain reminding her of the things that used to be there, the clothes that used to reside in those drawers, the trinkets that used to be scattered around the room, the bunny that used to sit on the windowsill. Cheryl wonders if Toni still has the bunny, but then again of course she does, she remembers how important it is to her. </span>
</p><p><span>Cheryl can still remember when Veronica had come round during Cheryl’s brief visit back after graduation to sort out the house, </span><em><span>her</span></em> <em><span>house,</span></em><span> after Nanna Rose had passed away, to pick up the things Toni had left behind when they’d gone to Highsmith. Cheryl can still remember the awkward tension between them as Veronica loaded the three boxes of Toni’s things into her car. </span></p><p>
  <span>Well, all but one of Toni’s things, for as Cheryl heads into her wardrobe and opens the drawer containing her sleepwear, her eyes fall upon a T-shirt, the one thing of Toni’s that she had kept. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl isn’t sure if Toni ever noticed it was missing, if she had she’d never mentioned it, but it was the one thing she allowed herself to have to remind herself of Toni. It’s nothing special, just an old faded band t-shirt, but it had been Cheryl’s lifeline those first few months. In truth, she still wore it even now - hence why it was here in the first place, Cheryl having brought it back from NY with her hoping that it might provide her with some comfort after being in Toni’s presence each day, and she was right, it had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her mind is still reeling from everything that had happened today, from her initial worry that Toni was missing to running into that basement to find her with Malachai pressing a gun to her head. An icy jolt runs through her, she’d nearly lost Toni today, she’d nearly lost her and she wasn’t even hers to lose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that was something Cheryl was going to fix, if Toni felt the same way of course. After the repercussions of today had calmed, Cheryl was going to tell her everything, from the reasons for Penelope’s threats, to her actually making said threats and how Toni was pulled into the fray and unknowingly turned into a weapon against her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t scared of the what if’s and maybes and the prospect of it all going wrong anymore. After today Cheryl knew that there was nothing more terrifying to her than the thought of losing Toni and her never knowing the truth, never knowing how deeply and truly Cheryl loved her. When the time was right Cheryl would tell Toni every little detail and answer any questions she had to the best of her ability, and hope that it was enough to - not make up for everything as Cheryl knows that’s going to take a lot of work - but to perhaps explain things to Toni, to help her understand why Cheryl did what she had to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl realises that by now she’s probably been gone longer than intended and so she changes into some pyjama shorts and a loose T-shirt, </span>
  <em>
    <span>not Toni’s one,</span>
  </em>
  <span> before grabbing the same to take to Toni. She runs her hand over Toni’s t-shirt, thumbing the material gently before she’s closing the drawer and making her way back to Toni’s room. Even now, even after all this time, she still couldn’t bring herself to refer to it as anything different. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knocks on the door gently, not wanting to startle her, before pushing the door open gently, finding Toni sitting on the bed looking at photographs hanging on the wall. They were photographs taken by Toni herself and a tiny handful of ones Cheryl had begged her to hang up in their full glory and not allow to be restrained to being nothing more than an Instagram post. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl makes her way to the bed, sitting beside Toni and following her gaze, her eyes landing on the fifth photo. It was of them, taken during their first Christmas together, even after all these years it remains to be Cheryl’s favourite photo of them. She tells Toni as such, even despite knowing that Toni already knew, “that’s always been my favourite picture of us.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni sighs, “I know, it’s mine too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl looks down at the clothes in her lap, “I brought you some sleepwear.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The redhead offers the clothes out to her, Toni taking them with a grateful smile before standing, and gesturing to the en-suite, “I, uhh, I’m gonna go change.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl offers her a smile in response and watches Toni make her way to the en-suite before turning her gaze back to the photographs on the wall. She wonders if Toni still had an interest in photography. In all truth, Cheryl had always thought she’d go on to be a photojournalist or something of that ilk, and so as her eyes roam over a mere handful of Toni’s best works, she wonders if it was something she still did alongside everything else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She finds herself realising that she hopes so, Toni had too much talent for it to be wasted. She had this certain eye for photography that was so natural and couldn’t be learnt even if someone wanted to, the way she could see the best angles and find the best focuses and lighting with such ease, the way with a singular click of a button she could capture masterpieces that took Cheryl’s breath away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl gets lost in her thoughts, however when she realises that Toni’s been in the bathroom for a substantial amount of time, she makes her way over to the door. Listening carefully she hears the sounds of muffled cries and her heart drops as realises that something was wrong. She knocks on the door gently, “hey Toni, is everything okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she receives a shaky murmur of, “uhh yeah,” Cheryl knows the truthful answer is no. She’s not entirely sure what to do, if this were happening in the past</span>
  <em>
    <span>,</span>
  </em>
  <span> then Cheryl would be opening the door carefully and pulling Toni into her arms, but this isn’t then and they’re not together, Cheryl does her best to ignore the jolt of heartache at that particular thought. Should she wait for Toni to come out? Should she speak to her through the door? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then Cheryl sighs. No, she absolutely shouldn’t do that, she knows Toni, she knows that right now she’s trying to put on a front that she’s alright but in actual fact she’s far from it. But then, thinking of her ordeal today, how on earth could she be? Cheryl knows what she needs to do, knows what Toni needs, and so she’s knocking on the door once again, her voice clear, “Toni, I’m going to come in, okay?” Cheryl pauses a moment to allow her the chance to tell her not to, but when that doesn’t come, she opens the door slowly, her heart paining at the sight before her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni’s standing with one hand gripping the sink, the other brought up to her mouth to try and muffle her cries, tears streaming down her face and the word anguish instantly comes to the forefront of Cheryl’s mind to describe the image. Not only was Toni radiating pain, but also worry and fear. All it took was one look at her for Cheryl to see that no matter the front she’d begin to try and form, Toni was still heavily shaken, still </span>
  <em>
    <span>terrified</span>
  </em>
  <span> from today’s events. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh TT,” Cheryl is unable to keep the sadness from her voice as she walks over to the crying woman, “come here.” She places a gentle hand on the smaller woman’s arm, turning her around carefully and pulling her into her embrace. Unable to continue beginning to build her protective wall around herself, not when it came to Cheryl, Toni allows the foundations of her mask to crumble, and sobs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sobs for her worries of failure, for her insecurities that she’d failed to keep the kids she was supposed to protect safe. She sobs for the children and all they’d endured for something she deemed to be her own fault, Malachai’s comments having wormed their way into her thoughts. She sobs for the fear she still felt coursing through her body after finding herself forced to balance on the precarious ledge between life and death more than once that evening. She sobs at the thought of losing Cheryl, of being torn away from her and never having the chance to see if it was even possible to have anything between them again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shhh Toni, you’re okay, you’re safe now, I’ve got you, I’m right here, you’re okay, the children are okay, it’s alright.” Cheryl’s soft voice cooing at her in soothing tones pulls Toni from the chaos in her mind. “Try and focus on your breathing TT, that’s it, in and out, deep breaths, good girl, there you go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s almost as if they’re back together again, Cheryl’s words reminding Toni of the times the redhead had comforted her in the past after a particularly intense nightmare. It’s almost as if nothing had changed between them and they were back to being young and in love, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span> Toni cherishes it. She allows herself to get lost in the moment, relishing in this feeling, because who knows what would happen between them after this, and if it all went to shit again - which she desperately hoped to god that it didn’t - then at least she would have this moment, well a few moments from today, to cling to as memories. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stay there for a while, Cheryl running a tender hand over her back and whispering hushed reassurances to her as Toni’s breathing calms and her tears no longer fall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Malachai was wrong you know?” Cheryl’s voice is right by her ear, murmuring gently, “I know you think what happened was because of you because that’s what </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> said, and I know you’re going to probably disagree with me because he got to you and also because you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> and you think everything is yours to deal with, but you didn’t fail those children. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>found </span>
  </em>
  <span>them, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>saved</span>
  </em>
  <span> them. You did right by them Toni, nothing less.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni tries to protest with a shaky voice, but Cheryl simply tightens her grip around her slightly, “shhh TT, just listen to me. Malachai may have said those things, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> those children and you do right by them, you’ve enriched their lives so much. You called everyone back to help you find them because of how much you care. You didn’t fail them okay? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span> believe me, you did right by them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni raises her head to look up at Cheryl, her brow creased, eyes hopeful and searching Cheryl’s face as if she was desperate for her words to be true. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think?” Her voice is small, </span>
  <em>
    <span>timid,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and Cheryl wishes more than anything that she could make Toni see just how incredible she is and how much better she made everything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl brushes a braid behind Toni’s ear, smiling down at her, “I know so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The smaller woman simply nods and Cheryl releases her from pale arms, “c’mon, let’s get you into bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni allows herself to be led back out into the bedroom, Cheryl pulling the covers back and ushering her into bed, tucking them around her securely once she’s comfortable. The redhead makes sure she’s alright, informing her that she’s right down the hall should she need anything before turning to make her way to the door. However before she can, Cheryl hears a small, sharp intake of breath and feels a small hand wrap around her wrist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gasps, looking down at the sight of Toni’s hand gently clutching her arm and realising she was helpless to stop the goosebumps now rushing up her arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl turns back to Toni, now sat up, with a questioning gaze, however it’s a gaze that soon transitions into one of sympathy as she sees how small she looks, how </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I know I probably shouldn’t be asking this but-” Toni’s voice is quiet and rife with vulnerability, “would, would you stay with me? I-it’s just I can’t stop thinking about earlier a-and I-I-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl smiles softly, cutting off Toni’s nervous rambling as she steps back towards the bed, “of course I will Toni.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni nods, her eyes following Cheryl as she moves around the bed and slides under the covers, wordlessly opening her arms to the smaller girl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni looks at her with uncertainty for a second, knowing that cuddling in bed with Cheryl was probably something they shouldn’t be doing considering they still had yet to talk about what had happened between them. But then again Toni had been through hell today and it wasn’t as if Cheryl hadn’t been comforting her and holding her ever since she’d freed her. However, there was something about them cuddling in bed, something </span>
  <em>
    <span>intimate</span>
  </em>
  <span> about it</span>
  <em>
    <span>,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and Toni’s not quite sure they should. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No. Fuck it. After all she’s been through, after all </span>
  <em>
    <span>they’ve</span>
  </em>
  <span> been through, they deserve this. Yes they needed to talk and yes there was definitely </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> to talk about, but Toni had wanted Cheryl back in her life since the second she’d walked out the door, and now she had that chance. Now they had the chance to see if there could be a </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span> again, and Toni knew they needed to talk but she wasn’t going to let this chance pass her by without at least trying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shifts to lie next to Cheryl, her head resting on her shoulder as she feels pale arms encase her frame, holding her close, and gosh she feels so warm, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>safe.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Her exhaustion catches up with her and Toni feels her eyes closing as her hand clutches Cheryl’s T-shirt in her grip. When she speaks her voice is a rasped mumble, “will, will you stay even when I’m asleep?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni’s aware that she probably sounds like a child right now, but if she’s honest she doesn’t care. She’s still feeling strange after everything that had happened, remembering how Malachai had made her skin crawl every time his beady eyes landed on her, she can still feel his voice in her ear and breath on her neck, the gun pressed against her temple, she still remembers that her final thoughts were to be of Cheryl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl whose arms she was now wrapped up in as they laid together in bed, safe and warm and </span>
  <em>
    <span>together.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The redhead tightens her hold on Toni’s body, her voice soft and soothing, knowing the woman cradled into her was already well on her way to sleep, “of course darling, of course I’ll stay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl feels Toni nod slightly against her shoulder before her breath evens out, her weight growing heavier on her chest and she knows that sleep has finally overcome her. She knows it’s probably a bold move, but Cheryl can’t help herself as she leans down to press a soft kiss against Toni’s forehead, smiling as the smaller woman nestles closer to her chest in her sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Cheryl closes her eyes and feels her tiredness take over her, she mumbles a promise, one she never intends to break, no matter what life may throw at them, she knew that this time she wouldn’t allow anything to stand in her way, </span>
  <em>
    <span>their</span>
  </em>
  <span> way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not leaving you, I’m going anywhere TT. I know I messed up and I know I have a lot to fix, but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>swear</span>
  </em>
  <span> to you, I’m never leaving you again. I’m right here, right by your side, you’re not alone Toni, not ever again.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed!!</p><p> </p><p>Luce :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. And just like a folk song, our love will be passed on</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hiiiiii,</p>
<p>We've reached the end woo!<br/>Honestly thank you so much for reading this and for all your comments, dm's CC's, all of them have made me smile and I'm really grateful that you care enough to let me know your thoughts!</p>
<p>Theres some chapter specific triggers (the angst wasn't finished with sorry!) which are as follows:</p>
<p>blood / mention of blood, threats with / use of gun, mention of character death, swearing</p>
<p>That's it and it's not a lot but just incase!!</p>
<p>I hope you enjoy and as always any comments and thoughts make my heart happy and fuel my will to write more!<br/>And once again thank you for reading!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Luce :)</p>
<p>Twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Toni opens her eyes, she panics. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s back in </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> basement, bound to </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> chair, with </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> man standing in front of her, looking at her with his beady eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No, she couldn’t be, could she? The others had come for her, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cheryl</span>
  </em>
  <span> had come for her. She’d been rescued, as had the kids, hadn’t they?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni remembers Cheryl carrying her out of the basement before taking her back to Thistlehouse, cleaning her wounds, putting her to bed. She remembers the way her heart burst when she’d called her ‘TT’, remembers the feeling of wanting to close the gap between them in order to feel Cheryl’s lips against her own, remembers the taller woman’s arms around her, holding her protectively, keeping her safe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That had happened, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hadn’t it?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It felt so real, it must have happened, but then again if it had, why was she back here? </span>
  <em>
    <span>How</span>
  </em>
  <span> was she back here in this room with Malachai sneering at her?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her voice is rife with confusion, “M-malachai?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry it had to be this way Queenie.” And suddenly he’s raising his arm and she’s looking down the barrel of </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> gun and oh god she thought she’d gotten out of here, she’d thought she was safe. Was this some kind of sick joke? Had she fallen unconscious and dreamt of the boys and Cheryl bursting into the room? Had she imagined Cheryl holding her close and taking her home? Had it all been a creation of her own mind, a sick joke by way of her brain concocting fantasies of her rescue?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It can’t be, it’d all felt so </span>
  <em>
    <span>real.</span>
  </em>
  <span> But then again, if it had been real then how was she back here?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sound of the gun loading pulls her from her panicked mind and she begins to plead with the sadistic Ghoulie leader who once again had her life hanging by a thread. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“M-Malachai please, let’s just talk about this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sneers, “are you going to accept my deal Topaz, or are you ready to deal with the consequences?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni shakes her head, they both knew she couldn’t agree, </span>
  <em>
    <span>he knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> that his demands were too much, even in spite of the kids being used as a bartering chip, even as she stares down the barrel of the gun, he knew that Toni couldn’t allow drugs to run rampant all over Riverdale again as well as move the boundary. She sobs, “you know I can’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Ghoulie leader shakes his head, “it’s a shame Topaz, I wish it didn’t have to be like this, but I told you there would be consequences. Toni frowns in confusion watching as Malachai steps to the side, revealing a sight that had Toni’s heart plummeting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There, opposite her, was another woman, gagged and bound to a chair, much like Toni herself, a nasty wound on her forehead with trickles of blood trailing down her face. Except the woman before her wasn’t just any woman.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh fuck. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no please no.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Not Cheryl, not her.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni sees the tears streaming down Cheryl’s cheeks, sees the way she’s struggling against her bindings, sees the way she’s trying to speak around the gag in her mouth, sees how she’s absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>terriffied.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wants to run to her, to hold her and protect her, to keep her safe. But she can’t. She can’t because she’s bound to her own chair, she’s rendered helpless to do anything as the Ghoulie leader steps towards Cheryl, the gun previously aimed at Toni, now being raised towards the only person Toni’s ever truly loved. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no no, not </span>
  <em>
    <span>her,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Malachai, not Cheryl.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I gave you a chance to accept my offer Queenie, you said no, I warned you there’d be consequences.” He speaks in a singsong, patronising and condescending, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> Toni can’t beleive this is happening.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni thrashes against her bindings, she knows if they hadn’t budged the last times she’d done so they wouldn’t budge now, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> she has to at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>try.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “Malachai please! </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m begging you,</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t do this, she has no part in this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He laughs, hollow and chilling, the gun still aimed at Cheryl, “oh you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>begging</span>
  </em>
  <span> are you Topaz? The mighty Serpent Queen begging for the life of the woman who broke her heart,” he looks at her over his shoulder, a sickly smile on his face, “go on then, </span>
  <em>
    <span>beg.”</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The disgusting sadistic son of a bitch.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But this was Cheryl, and they all knew that Toni would do anything for her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Please</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t do this, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Malachai please,</span>
  </em>
  <span> leave her alone, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He cuts her off, his attention turning back to Cheryl, “you hear that Blossom? Looks like Topaz over there wants you to live.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl whimpers and Toni’s thrashing against her bindings once more, </span>
  <em>
    <span>the fucking bastard when she got her hands on him she’d-</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a shame though,” Malachai continues, his voice dripping with fake pity, “I gave her the chance and she said no, and now she doesn’t want to deal with the consequences, but this is how it has to be.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl is sobbing behind her gag and </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck this can’t be happening.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Not Cheryl. Not the woman she loves, even in spite of everything between them. Malachai can’t tear Cheryl away from her, he can’t rip away any shred of hope for them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni’s voice is frantic now, pleading helpless for him to spare Cheryl’s life. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Malachai please don’t, not her, please.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sneers at her one last time over his shoulder as Toni’s eyes meet Cheryl’s across the room, both of them sobbing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is your fault Topaz.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Malachai turns to face Cheryl, he pulls the trigger and a shot rings out as Toni screams. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-----------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl’s woken by screaming. It’s hoarse and raw and can only be described as pure, unfiltered terror. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At first she’s startled by the noise ripping her from her slumber, but upon the realisation of where, or rather </span>
  <em>
    <span>whom,</span>
  </em>
  <span> the cries were coming from, Cheryl feels her chest ache. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Toni.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni, whose face was contorted in terror as she whimpered and cried out, shoving at the duvet covering her and thrashing against the sheets. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl notes that Toni’s no longer in her arms and deduces that she must’ve shifted away from her as they slept, not that that was unusual however, it was a common occurrence when they shared a bed, well </span>
  <em>
    <span>used to.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl’s coaxed Toni out of nightmares countless times before, but that was a long time ago, and so she feels somewhat apprehensive at the thought of doing so now. But then again, she knew Toni, she knew what helped to soothe her, what helped her feel safe in moments like this, and so she carefully pulls the trembling woman into her arms, holding her tightly into her body despite Toni’s futile attempts to push her away. She keeps her voice soothing as she combs her fingers through Toni’s braids, trying to gently pull her from her plagued mind, “shhh sweetheart, you’re okay, you’re safe, I’ve got you, you’re alright.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her words remain unheard though as Toni’s whimpers and struggles increase, pushing harder against Cheryl’s hold on her. The redhead feels tears prick at her eyes as she hears Toni’s cries,”M-Malachai no, n-no please, no, d-don’t no.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Realising what was happening in Toni’s mind, exactly where her dreams had taken her to, the tears forming in Cheryl’s eyes fall down her cheeks, Toni didn’t fucking deserve this. She deserved kindness and care, compassion and </span>
  <em>
    <span>love,</span>
  </em>
  <span> not to be faced with yet another horror to endure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl continues her cooing, desperately hoping that her voice would eventually infiltrate Toni’s nightmare and coax her out of it, “Toni darling, you’re okay, I’m here, it’s Cheryl, you’re okay mon cheriè, you’re safe I promise, I’ve got you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl doesn’t even realise the slip of </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> term of endearment, too focused on soothing Toni. The sobbing woman’s terror doesn’t calm however, it heightens. Toni’s breathing grows even more shallow and distressed, anguish radiating from her as she struggles against Cheryl’s hold, pleading whimpers falling from her lips, “n-no please, Malachai, don’t, n-no, not her, p-please no.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl feels helpless, if she could take away all of Toni’s fear and panic, all her hurt, she’d do so in an instant, but right now she feels utterly useless. She desperately continues to cradle the struggling woman against her chest as reassurances fall from her lips, hoping that if she continued to murmur soothing words and keep her protective hold on Toni, eventually she’d break into her nightmare and be able to give her something to focus on in order to wake her. “You’re safe Toni, I promise you sweetheart, you’re alright, it’s just me, it’s Cheryl, I’m here, you’re safe, come back to me TT, you’re safe,” the redhead repeats her words like a mantra, her arms wrapped around Toni, keeping her tight to her body. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly Toni’s pushing against her turns into full on thrashing, the smaller woman tearing at the arms encasing her as she cries out, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“no!”</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before Cheryl can process what’s happening, Toni’s ripping herself from Cheryl’s hold as she sits up trembling, her breathing erratic, her eyes wide and frantically darting around the room as tears stream down her cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl reaches over to the lamp on the bedside table, turning it on and causing a soft glow to illuminate the room, hoping it would help Toni realise her surroundings and that she was okay. She waits for a moment, allowing the shaking woman a few seconds to get her bearings, before she's cautiously sitting up and reaching out to place a gentle hand on Toni’s arm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni flinches harshly and whimpers and </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cheryl wants to cry at the obvious sheer terror coursing through the woman who owns her heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She speaks clearly but gently, hoping to be able to coax Toni out of her distressed and tormented state, “Toni sweetheart, you’re okay, you’re safe at Thistlehouse, whatever happened, it was a nightmare, it wasn’t real darling, you’re okay.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Scared brown eyes meet her own as a pained, hoarse voice reaches her ears, “C-cher?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl nods, “I’m here TT, you’re safe I promise, you’re okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni flings herself at Cheryl, wrapping her arms around the taller woman’s neck, practically straddling her as she tries to bury herself as close as possible into Cheryl’s body. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Despite her confusion at Toni’s erratic behaviour, the redhead can tell that her desperate need for comfort stems from whatever she’s been forced to bear witness to in her dreams, guessing as much that it was some form of recount of the evening’s events. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl wraps her arms around Toni’s frame, cradling her into her body for the umpteenth time that evening, and shifts backwards to lean against the headboard as she gently soothes her. “You’re safe Toni I promise, it was a dream, whatever happened it wasn’t real. I’m here I’ve got you, you’re safe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The trembling woman clings to her, as if she’s afraid that Cheryl will disappear the second she’s not clutching her t-shirt in her small fists, “C-cheryl, you’re, you’re okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni’s voice is small, </span>
  <em>
    <span>weak,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but Cheryl’s confusion only grows, of course she was okay, why wouldn’t she be? Toni was the one who had been through hell today, not her. Apart from some likely residual trauma from witnessing Toni’s life almost being snatched away and the harrowing thought that she nearly </span>
  <em>
    <span>lost the love of her life,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cheryl’s doing alright considering. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She runs a soothing hand over Toni’s back, hoping that the touch will help ground her, “I’m okay Toni, I’m here, you’re safe, I’m right here.” Cheryl continues her actions and repeats her words like a mantra and after a while Toni’s breathing calms, but she’s still crying, still anguished by whatever her nightmare had forced her to suffer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The redhead can hear the tremors in Toni’s voice as she speaks through tears, desperately trying to recount her dream amongst her sobs. “I-I was back in the room with Malachai, a-and he was about to kill me a-and then, then he turned around and y-you were there and, and, he, the g-gun, he, y-you, he made me w-watch as he, y-you...” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Toni descends into another round of sobs, Cheryl instantly understands what she’s alluding to and her heart pains for the woman in her arms. She tightens her hold around the crying woman and maintains rubbing her hand tenderly over her back as she bows her head forward slightly to nuzzle her face against Toni’s own. The gesture is intimate, she’s well aware of the fact, but right now Toni needs to know that everything is okay and Cheryl’s right there, safe, the both of them are, and that’s more important than crossing a line that she’s pretty sure was already blurred anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she murmurs to Toni, she desperately yearns to take all this pain, all this fear and distress away from her,“oh sweetheart, I’m sorry you went through that, but I’m okay, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere okay? I’m safe, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> safe. I’ve got you TT, it was a dream, we’re both okay mon cheriè.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She feels Toni tense in her arms for a moment before she realises the slip of the term of endearment she’d used. The one reserved just for her, the one she used to say to Toni with a smile and eyes shining with love and adoration, the one that used to make the smaller woman blush </span>
  <em>
    <span>every damn time.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>But the thing is, Cheryl doesn’t want to take it back, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>isn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to take it back. She’s not going to apologise for saying it, because she still feels that way about Toni. She still has adoration and </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> for the woman in her arms, even if Toni doesn’t want it, even if she doesn’t feel the same way, even if she </span>
  <em>
    <span>hates</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cheryl, she’s not going to take it back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni was her cheriè, she was her dear, she was all that mattered, all she cared about, all that she wanted. Toni was dear to her, she always would be, and after everything that had happened tonight, Cheryl was fucked if she wasted any more time with Toni not knowing as much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni’s heart thudded, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘mon cheriè.’</span>
  </em>
  <span> How desperately she wanted that to be true. How badly she wished that she was Cheryl’s, that things were fixed between them, </span>
  <em>
    <span>that there was a them.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Toni had always loved when Cheryl called her that, always blushed when those words reached her ears as a smile formed on her face. It’s been two years since she’s been called as such and gosh it felt so nice to hear those words again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni knows she should be angry with Cheryl, she knows that she should be holding her at arms length and refraining from allowing the redhead to comfort her like this. Toni knows that she should hate Cheryl. That she caused her pain and hurt and she should be making her aware of just how much damage she’d caused. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But the thing is, Toni’s pretty sure Cheryl knows. She’s pretty sure that the woman holding her close is well aware of the repercussions of her actions and how she’d fractured Toni’s heart. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And besides, Toni said all she’d had to say the other night in the rain, she’d gotten her anger out of her system when she’d let down her walls, just for a moment, to reveal her true feelings about Cheryl’s return. When she’d shouted about how it wasn’t fair that simply just being around Cheryl was making Toni all too aware of the fact that her heart was still hers. That everytime their eyes met it sent shivers down her spine, that everytime her perfume invaded her senses she was transported back to their memories, that everytime Cheryl said her name she felt her heart race, that she still had so much love for this woman, that she was still </span>
  <em>
    <span>in love</span>
  </em>
  <span> with her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So yes, Toni knows that she </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> hate Cheryl and she </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> be pushing her away rather than letting her get close like this, but she simply </span>
  <em>
    <span>doesn’t.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She can’t find it in herself to. The Serpent Queen doesn’t want to push her away, she doesn’t want to exhaust herself any more trying to pretend that she despises Cheryl. She’s gotten a taste of what she’s been missing out on, the soothing touches, the almost kisses, the terms of endearment, Cheryl’s care of her, her protectiveness, and she’s not ready to let any of it go. She’s not ready to lose the opportunity that seemingly lies before her, </span>
  <em>
    <span>them.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Toni doesn’t want to ignore that this could be a chance to talk about what happened, to try and maybe fix it, or at least see if there was anything left to fix. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knows she wants Cheryl back in her life, even after she walked away from her. What she doesn’t know is if Cheryl wants her back. She’d like to think that the signs point to yes, especially if she thinks about how Cheryl has been tonight, well and the past three weeks, but there was no way of knowing for sure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, she knows that’s not entirely true, there is a way of knowing, they could talk, they could have </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> conversation, Toni could finally ask the all to foreboding question that she’s been dreading the answer to for two years. But that involves honesty and vulnerability and a certain openness that she’s not entirely sure she’s ready for. She’s not long since finished building her protective walls back up around her heart, does she really have the strength to tear them all down again in order to have this conversation?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But then Toni thinks about where she is right now, wrapped up in Cheryl’s arms in Thistlehouse, safe and warm and </span>
  <em>
    <span>cared for,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and it feels like it used to when they were together. Toni thinks about how it’s been two years since she’s had this, felt like this, and she’s not entirely sure that she’s willing to let it go without a fight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fuck it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni wants this, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>deserves</span>
  </em>
  <span> this. She deserves to know the truth, she deserves to know if this opportunity could lead somewhere, she deserves a second chance with Cheryl, </span>
  <em>
    <span>she deserves happiness.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni inhales deeply and pulls herself out of Cheryl’s embrace, shifting on the bed so she’s sat up cross legged facing Cheryl’s side. The redhead, who’d been lost in her own thoughts of a similar nature to Toni’s, senses that the smaller woman has something to get off her chest, and so mirrors her movements, shifting to sit up facing her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A beat passes, Toni looks down at her hands nervously fidgeting in her lap as she collects her thoughts, wondering how on earth to even begin this conversation, how she’s going to voice her feelings and trying to envision where this may go. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she speaks, her voice is a quiet murmur yet filled with an honest vulnerability, an openness, “you have a place in my heart no one else could ever have Cheryl. And I know-” Toni sighs heavily, her calmness descending into more of a pained rambling as she voices her truth with a furrowed brow, as if she’s still trying to make sense of it all. “I know you don’t want me anymore, and I know I shouldn’t be here reaching for you, </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanting</span>
  </em>
  <span> you, but I-I can’t help it. Like I told you before, i-it’s like my heart doesn’t know how to quit you, it can’t let you go. You still make me feel safe a-and I probably should hate you e-even a little at least for what you did, but even after everything that happened, I-I don’t. I just don’t have it in me to. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t.</span>
  </em>
  <span> I can’t pretend that my heart isn’t still yours.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl shakes her head, she couldn’t believe what Toni was saying. What did this mean? That she still had feelings for her? That she didn’t despise Cheryl for what she’d done? That there was a chance, a </span>
  <em>
    <span>hope</span>
  </em>
  <span> for them? That Cheryl wasn’t the only one who wanted to fix this?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Toni, I-” Cheryl trails off, what was she supposed to say to that? She knows that she owes Toni the truth, and she’s well aware that it’s long overdue, but was this the right time? Was now the right moment to talk about everything, to expose Penelope’s actions, to reveal the truth behind Cheryl leaving? Toni had been through hell tonight, and as much as Cheryl wanted to have this conversation, as badly as she wanted to explain everything to the woman before her, was this really the right moment to do so? After all Toni had endured tonight was it fair to her to do this now?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No, she owes Toni this. She’s aware of the sheer amount of vulnerability the woman before her just showed and Cheryl decides to hell with waiting any longer to tell Toni the truth about what’d transpired. Fuck waiting for the right time, because would there ever really be a </span>
  <em>
    <span>right time</span>
  </em>
  <span> to have this conversation in the first place? And if tonight had taught her anything, if nearly </span>
  <em>
    <span>losing Toni</span>
  </em>
  <span> had taught her anything, it was that she needed to take every chance she had, not to wait until tomorrow or the next time, because what if there wasn’t a next time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni needed to know the truth, and it was up to Cheryl to tell her. And besides, how were they supposed to fix things if they, if </span>
  <em>
    <span>she,</span>
  </em>
  <span> didn’t at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>try?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Toni had initiated this conversation, she’d opened up the topic, and that meant something. She’d clearly decided that she wanted to talk about it, and if Cheryl put this off now, who knew when she’d next get the opportunity to tell her the truth?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She deserves to know, and if Toni can be vulnerable and honest with the woman that broke her heart, well then Cheryl can be vulnerable and honest with the woman whose heart she broke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni inhales deeply before releasing a heavy sigh, “y-you, you…” she trails off but Cheryl knows that Toni needs to say it, knows she needs to get these words out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl’s voice is quiet as she raises her head to look at her, “say it Toni, I’m listening, whatever it is you need to voice, say it.”</span>
</p>
<p><span>The smaller woman runs a hand through her hair before releasing a shaky breath, only when she lifts her gaze to meet Cheryl’s does the redhead see the tears beginning to pool in her eyes. </span><em><span>“Y-you</span></em> <em><span>left me. </span></em><span>I, you, you promised me you’d always be there, I trusted you, I </span><em><span>believed you,</span></em><span> a-and you left me standing in that dorm and you didn’t look back. I tried for </span><em><span>days</span></em><span> to talk to you, to contact you, but you avoided me and ignored me, i-it was like we were back in high school all over again, you treating me like we, </span><em><span>I,</span></em><span> was </span><em><span>nothing,</span></em><span> a-and I, it, y-you-” Toni’s overcome with cries, unable to finish her sentence as she allows herself to show Cheryl the pain still residing in her heart from what had happened. </span></p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl’s heart </span>
  <em>
    <span>aches.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she speaks, her voice is quiet and apprehensive, although she knew Toni deserved to know this and she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> to tell her, it didn’t make it any easier. “Toni, I-I was going to wait until things from today called until I told you this, but what happened tonight made me realise that I’ve waited long enough, I’ve been </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared</span>
  </em>
  <span> long enough, a-and the thought of losing you today, TT, I-, forgive me for I know it’s not the most appropriate of time to tell you, but I can’t spend another second thinking that </span>
  <em>
    <span>you think</span>
  </em>
  <span> I wanted to walk out that door.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni looks at her with a frown, her eyes questioning, lips parting to speak, but Cheryl continues, “I had to keep you safe and,” she falters, but ultimately continues, “I’d-I’d do it again, if I had to. I regret you being hurt, I regret that I caused your heart pain, but I don’t regret knowing I kept you safe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cheryl what are you talking about?” Toni’s confusion is understandable, but Cheryl decides to give the choice to Toni, to assure her that there would be another opportunity if now was too much, that she wasn’t going to run away, that she wanted this too. “Toni, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to have this conversation with you, god knows you deserve it, but, you’ve been through so much tonight, i-if it’s not the right time we can talk tomorrow, or another time. And this, this isn’t me running away from it, or denying you the truth or anything like that, I-I just, I don’t want you to feel like this is the only chance you’ll get to speak about this if it’s too much right now.” Her eyes are downcast as she speaks, unable to look at the woman in front of her, unable to see Toni’s reaction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Out of her periphery she can see Toni shaking her head and wiping away her tears, “no, no I need this. I get what you’re trying to say Cheryl but, but it’s been two years, it’s been long enough.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl nods, she guesses that’s fair enough, two years is a long time to be kept in the dark. “Okay, well, if you're sure. You deserve to know the truth Toni and I find myself unwilling to keep it from you any longer. I had to for a while, I had no other choice, but now I don’t have to, and you deserve to know.” Toni frowns at the cryptic meaning behind Cheryl’s words, but she doesn’t question it, she guesses there’s no point seeing as she’s about to find out everything anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A beat passes, both girls mentally readying themselves to have the conversation they’d both been envisioning for over two years. Whilst they’d never pictured it in circumstances quite like tonight’s events, considering the hope that had been growing inside of them all night, the signs pointing to the opportunity of chance, tonight giving them more than enough realisations of the heart, both of them were feeling optimistic that in spite of the toughness of the topic, hopefully things would be okay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl sighs, “what and how much had I lost by trying to do only what was expected of me instead of what I myself had wished to do?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A small smile finds its way onto Toni’s lips, “Ralph Ellison.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The taller woman nods, “you know I love a literary reference, that one in particular has spoken to me over the last two years, I’ve found a sense of solace in it I suppose.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl wasn’t exactly sure where she was trying to go with that. She supposes she was looking for a sort of way of easing into everything, but knowing it’s now or never she heaves a shaky sigh and decides to rip the metaphorical band aid off before Toni can say anything to stop her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And so Cheryl blurts out her secret, the burden she’s borne in silence for the past two years, the truth behind the destruction of her happiness, of </span>
  <em>
    <span>them,</span>
  </em>
  <span> “it was my mother.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni’s eyes widen, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Penelope?</span>
  </em>
  <span> What did she have to do with all of this? The Serpent Queen knows that the older Blossom woman had caused no end of heinous problems for Cheryl and was never accepting of her, or their relationship, so in a sense she’s not surprised. But then again, what did Penelope have to do with Cheryl walking out that door and never looking back? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni’s confusion is evident as she speaks, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“your mom?</span>
  </em>
  <span> But what, how? I-I don’t-” she trails off, unsure what to say,  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The redhead drops her eyeline to her lap, tearing her eyes away from brown irises that swirled with confusion to instead focus on pale hands fidgeting with each other. “You know that Nanna Rose passed away a few months before graduation?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni nods, she remembers the pain of not only trying to help Cheryl through her grief, but also facing her own at the devastating loss of the eldest Blossom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl continues, “and you remember that in her will, as well as the deeds to Thistlehouse, Nanna left me her position as head of the Blossom Maple company, she wanted me to take over as CEO?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni nods again. She’d gone with Cheryl to the solicitors and remembers how all at once it seemed as if a weight lifted off Cheryl’s shoulders at the knowledge of financial stability and a home, only to watch it fall right back onto them again as she realised not only the gravitas of the situation but also that the horrors of her past were more present than ever. “Yeah, she wanted you to take over her role as well as keep yours and Jason’s shares.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl raises her eyeline to make eye contact with the woman in front of her, releasing a shaky breath as she does, this was it, the truth. “You remember well Toni. Well as it turned out, Penelope was angered by what Nanna Rose left me. Not just Thistlehouse, but she hated that Nanna wanted me to take over her position as well as maintaining my own and how much of the company would end up in my name. She wasn’t entirely too pleased with the knowledge that not only was the position given to me instead of her, but also that I’d be in charge of both the company, and in a sense </span>
  <em>
    <span>her.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>God this was all so </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucked up.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Each time Cheryl thought about the things she’d endured at the hands of her mother, at the hands of the person who was supposed to love and nurture her, it made her heart ache. And the worst part? That wasn’t even the most screwed up part of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl’s focus returns once again to her hands, still resting in her lap, unable to look Toni in the eye as she recounted the exact horrors behind what had happened. She sighs, “and so, about a month after Nanna’s will was revealed, as Blossoms do best, she employed some heavy blackmail to enforce me to relinquish not only my newfound position as head of the company, but also the one I held already, which of course also included JJ’s share.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cheryl that’s so- well, if I’m honest I’m not quite sure what it is, </span>
  <em>
    <span>beyond fucked up?</span>
  </em>
  <span> She blackmailed you to give up what Nanna Rose wanted you to have?” Cheryl simply nods, hating how it sounded like some sick, twisted plot of some terrible movie. But no, this wasn’t a film, this was real life, </span>
  <em>
    <span>her life.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “Wait,” Toni continues, “you said blackmail. What, what did she use against you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The redhead inhales a deep breath, her voice beginning to take on a slight edge of bitterness and tears forming in her eyes, “well Toni, that’s the most harrowing aspect of it all, because it’s not really a case of what she used against me, so much as </span>
  <em>
    <span>whom.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she speaks, Cheryl lifts her eyes to meet Toni’s, however this means she bears witness to the look on Toni’s face as the pieces click into place in her mind, her voice solemn, “i-it was me, wasn’t it? She used me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The taller girl sighs, feeling the weight of bearing this burden alone finally beginning to lift, the pressure in her chest beginning to release at the knowledge that Toni now knew the truth. “Yes Toni, she used you. Well aware I’d refuse her blackmail, Penelope dragged you into the fray, knowing how important you are to me and that I would never let anything happen to you. She said that unless I gave her control and broke all ties with you, then, well she threatened your safety. She said if I tried to fight against stepping down from the company or I kept even the smallest of contact with you, she’d create condemning documentation ruining any type of future of yours, and,” Cheryl sighs heavily, “she said she’d go to your family and tell them about everything between us, and, well, she said if I didn’t follow her demands she’d personally hand you over to them.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni gasps, Cheryl wasn’t the only one with her fair share of family horror stories, and there was a reason Toni had kept hers at arms length. Well her mother’s side anyway, being on her Fathers side, Thomas had been the only exception. Toni’s mom had ended up in jail, hence why the youngest Topaz lived in Riverdale with her Uncle - her mom’s brother - but once word of her bisexuality had been sent to them, they’d all made it clear how they felt, and what would happen if they ever crossed paths with her again. Her Uncle’s behaviour towards her would’ve been barely anything in comparison to the threats of the rest of her so called ‘family.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl’s tone is pleading, willing Toni to try and see that she did what she thought she had to do. “I knew what would have happened to you if my mother followed through with her threats and I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t face the possibility of you getting hurt, especially because of something I’d caused, I had to keep you safe, and so, well...” she trails off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So you cut all ties with me and did what she said?” Silent tears stream down Cheryl’s face as she nods,“I had to keep you safe, so I did as Penelope demanded of me, all the while managing to get my own documentation together until I had enough to make threats of my own to ensure your safety and regain my position as head of the company. Once I had a sufficient and watertight retaliation I threatened her and she revoked everything. Plus my mother is sick and thus entirely too unwell to fight back anymore, even without everything I have on her. Toni, I implore you to believe me, I didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to leave, I did it because I had to keep you safe.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni’s hope began to grow, Cheryl hadn’t wanted to go, she didn’t want to leave her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni frowns, “wait, Cheryl, when, when did you-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Threaten her? Just under a year ago.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And with that Toni’s hope withered, </span>
  <em>
    <span>just under a year ago.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cheryl had been out from Penelope’s thumb for just under a year, and yet she’d made no moves to contact Toni, no attempt to reach out, maybe she didn’t want this, maybe she was happy with her new life now, maybe she-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl can see Toni’s thoughts deteriorating almost instantly and is soon rushing to prevent any misunderstandings, “Toni I don’t want you to think that means something it doesn't. The truth,” she sighs, “the truth is I didn’t tell you straight away because, I-I was scared. I was terrified that you hated me, I feared that what if I told you and it wasn’t good enough. I fixed what my mother did to me, but I was terrified that I couldn’t fix what I did to you. I was so scared that in my mind it was easier to dream about what could be and still have the potential than to tell you and you hate me and I’d know it was over for sure. A-and I know that’s not fair to you and I-I know that you deserved to know, but it had already been a year, I, I didn’t want to come back and cause you more pain.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni cuts off Cheryl’s ramblings by placing her hand over the redhead’s own gently, speaking in a quiet voice, “Cheryl, I- I understand, I get it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl didn’t want to leave her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The tears that Cheryl had been wrestling to keep at bay broke free and spilled down pale cheeks, her voice cracking with emotion as quiet tears descended into sobs as she spoke, “I-it was devastating enough to have to walk away from you the first time, I d-didn’t have it in me to do it again, especially if I’d be doing it knowing that was truly the end of any h-hope for us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to leave her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl’s tears are flowing in steady rivers down her face, her tone pleading, </span>
  <em>
    <span>begging</span>
  </em>
  <span> Toni to understand, “I-I didn’t want to leave you Toni, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span> you have to believe me, a-and I can’t bear the thought that you, for even a moment, thought that I </span>
  <em>
    <span>w-wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be anywhere other than right by your side. I know I h-hurt you by what I did, and I’ll, I’ll hate myself forever for it, but Toni, p-please you have to believe me, I-I didn’t want to, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you</span>
  </em>
  <span> I couldn’t let her h-hurt you, I did it to keep you s-safe, I didn’t w-want to I-I...” Unable to to keep speaking through her cries, Cheryl covers her face with her hands and sobs, helpless to keep in her anguish anymore</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Cheryl didn’t want to leave her.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni takes in the sight before her, takes in the sheer agony and torment radiating off the sobbing woman, and her heart shatters. She’d hoped that there was an explanation to Cheryl leaving her, hell she’d been thinking about it non stop for the last two years, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>this,</span>
  </em>
  <span> the sheer malice, the pure </span>
  <em>
    <span>devastation</span>
  </em>
  <span> of the truth behind what had taken place, god it was horrendous. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Without a second thought, Toni’s pulling Cheryl into her, cradling her against her body as one would a child, just as the redhead had done to her earlier, as the taller woman continues to release gut wrenching sobs. Toni’s heart </span>
  <em>
    <span>aches,</span>
  </em>
  <span> it’s a physical pain in her chest, a deep hurt and sorrow for the woman in her arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yes Toni had been through hell these past two years dealing with her own heartbreak, and yes she knew that this didn’t make up for what had happened between them, but it was a start. It was painful right now, this feeling of old scars being torn open, but Toni knew that this was also the beginning of them being able to heal, properly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>together.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The smaller woman lifts her hand, tenderly caressing pale skin and trailing through red locks, she doesn’t speak for a while, knowing that in this moment Cheryl simply needed to be held, needed physical comfort rather than words. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Cheryl didn’t want to leave her.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As her sobs subside to quiet tears, Cheryl looks up to Toni, brown eyes meeting, and Toni’s breath hitches at the sheer pain, the pure vulnerability in Cheryl’s eyes as she speaks hoarsely, “I-I didn’t w-want to leave you T-Toni, but, but I h-had too.” Sobs take hold of her once more and Toni finds herself rocking the woman in her arms, pressing kisses against the top of her head, hushing her with a soothing voice, “I know Cher, I understand, I know.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tears spill form Toni’s own eyes, god she fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated</span>
  </em>
  <span> Penelope. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>despised</span>
  </em>
  <span> her with every inch, every atom of her being, every fibre of her soul. She abhorred this woman for causing so much pain, so much destruction, for tearing her happiness away from her, from </span>
  <em>
    <span>them.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Toni hated her for what she’d done, causing Cheryl, </span>
  <em>
    <span>her own fucking daughter,</span>
  </em>
  <span> so much agony. She felt rage egnite the embers within her at the knowledge that this didn't have to fucking happen, her and Cheryl didn’t have to be ripped apart, they didn’t have to spend the past two years is so much heartache, but they had, because of the corrupt and pathetic obsession Penelope had with wreaking havoc and misery. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stay like that for a moment, both women crying and rocking gently together, held tightly against one another, both allowing their pain, and anger, and sheer </span>
  <em>
    <span>devastation</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be released. Both of them allowing the fractures within their souls to recognise each other and acknowledge that perhaps, with hard work and honesty, perhaps the shattered edges might just be able to come together again. Perhaps, there was a chance for them, perhaps this growing hope between them would be allowed to bloom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Cheryl didn’t want to leave her.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once both women have calmed, Toni ceases her gentle rocking of them, but tightens her hold around Cheryl, who had her eyes downcast and focused on Toni’s hand against her pale arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-” Toni’s voice is soft and filled with pure honesty, “I’m not going to say it’s okay Cheryl, because </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> about what happened is okay, and there’s still pain from what happened in my heart. But I understand, I understand why you did what you did, that you felt there was no other choice. I, get it Cher, and I think, I think that everything is a little too raw right now for me to say that I forgive you, because whilst I get </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span> you did it, </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> you did still hurt me, and I know it was because of your mom and trust me when I say I understand why. But, but I think I could, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know I will</span>
  </em>
  <span> forgive you, forgive what happened, I just need a bit of time. With everything that happened tonight and being back around you and my heart feeling how it does, I just, I will forgive you, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want to,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and I want to see what happens with us, I want to see if there can be an </span>
  <em>
    <span>us,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but I think right now things are just too open and raw, I need to heal first.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl nods, she understands what Toni means, and if she’s honest she knew that this was the likely outcome. Shifting out of Toni’s arms she moves to stand, her voice sullen, “I, I get that Toni, I’ll, I’ll give you some space.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But as Cheryl turns to leave, Toni gasps, realising that Cheryl had completely misinterpreted what she was saying, and quickly reaches out to take hold of the taller woman’s hand to stop her from leaving. “Cheryl, that’s not what I meant, I- I don’t want you to leave, I’m not saying that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Cheryl looks down at her with a furrowed brow and confusion swirling in her eyes, “you, you don’t want me to go?” Toni shakes her head and gently pulls on her hand, gesturing for her to get back into bed, which she does. The smaller woman shifts closer to her and takes her hand, “I want to see what happens between us, I want you in my life Cheryl, I want to have what we’ve had tonight, the touches, the nicknames, the cuddles, the almost kisses, the almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>us.</span>
  </em>
  <span> I want to see what happens between us, what this could be again. I’m just saying that I have some things I need to work through before we do this fully. But I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to do this, I want to follow my heart. These past two years have been hell, but it’s been like there’s this invisible string keeping my heart attached to yours, tying me to you, and I, I want to follow it, I want to get back to you, back to </span>
  <em>
    <span>us.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl regards her with wide eyes that are swirling with emotions, confusion and relief, fear and vulnerability, pain and love, but above all, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hope.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hope, that what Toni was saying would happen, that they’d found their way back together and perhaps now they could begin to heal, perhaps now Penelope’s reign of destruction was over they could begin again. Hope that all was not lost, that the love Cheryl had for Toni, and apparently Toni still had for Cheryl, would be enough to give them peace. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Cheryl didn’t want to leave her.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl lays down on her side, facing Toni who was still sitting up, looking up at her with eager eyes, “I want that too, TT.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni smiles at the deliberate, eager, use of her nickname and the unspoken meaning behind it. Her voice is soft as she shifts to lie next to Cheryl, both of them curled on their sides and the memory of their first almost-kiss flashes through Cheryl’s mind. “I love you Cheryl, I always have, my heart, it’s chosen you, and after everything, there’s this second chance, this opportunity to have you back, to have </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span> back and I just, I might need some time, and things might need to still heal a bit, but I want this, I want to try, I want you in my life. I love you Cher, and I never want to see you walk away from me again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cheryl feels tears brim in her eyes, borne of hope, of relief, of hearing Toni say that name and those words to her after two years, after everything, and knowing that she meant them. “I love you too Toni, and I swear to you, I will never ever leave you again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before she realises what’s happening, Cheryl feels soft, plump lips gently against her own. Toni’s kissing her, and Cheryl was kissing her back. It’s not some fiery explosion of passion, they had plenty of time for those, and Cheyl knew they would come, but instead chaste and fleeting. It was the first kiss they’d almost had all those years ago, curled up facing each other in bed, somewhat nervous but equal parts excited. It was perfect, soft and tender yet deliberate, and conveying so much meaning and many words they had yet to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Cheryl didn’t want to leave her.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they break apart, both of them are smiling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their faces are centimetres apart and Cheryl takes the opportunity to take in Toni’s face, every freckle, every fleck of brown in her eyes, every inch of smooth, perfect skin, even each injury taking each of them as testament to Toni’s strength, Cheryl committed it all to memory. When her eyes connect with Toni’s she realises the other woman had been doing exactly the same.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni lays down as Cheryl moves to turn out the bedside lamp, both of them silently mutually agreeing to try and get some more sleep. As the redhead gets comfortable she feels Toni shift to lay against her side, head resting on her chest and her arm over her stomach. Cheryl smiles as she moves her arms to wrap around Toni, holding her close, exactly how she’d dreamed of for the last two years. She runs a pale hand through Toni’s braids, her voice a quiet murmur, “go to sleep TT, we can talk more tomorrow and we can figure everything out in due time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toni nods against her chest, a beat passing before her voice, raspy with tiredness, reaches Cheyrl’s ears, “thank you for today Cher, for finding me, for helping, for telling me everything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The redhead presses a tender kiss against Toni’s forehead, her lips brushing against soft skin as she spoke, “of course Toni, anything for you, life has cost me you once already, I will never let it happen again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As sleep overcomes them both, Toni feels the broken pieces of her heart begin to mend, properly this time and not just the haphazard attempt like before, truly mend. She feels the weight begin to lift from her chest from no longer having to ask herself why. She feels the hope that had taken root begin to bloom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Cheryl didn’t want to leave her.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>God knows that they still had so much to talk about, that they still had a long road ahead of them, but they were both more than willing to try. They wanted this, they wanted </span>
  <em>
    <span>them.</span>
  </em>
  <span> And yes they still needed to heal, and there were things to delve through in order to begin to do so, yes there would likely be complications to workout, and it wouldn’t be easy, but then again nothing worth the fight ever was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But no matter whatever laid on the road ahead of them, they would do it together, as Cheryl and Toni were always destined to be.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wooo you made it!</p>
<p>Thank you for reading, truly, it means a lot,</p>
<p>Luce :)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you enjoyed, and thank you for reading</p><p>Luce :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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